kriszeth: (Default)
the fave trope meme was something i've been meaning to do for a while, so now that i have, here are my results:

1 They Break Up (but then They Get Back Together)
2 Accidentally Fell In Love With The Mission Target
3 Polyamory
4 Body Swapping
5 A/B/O
6 Found Families
7 Magical Connection (Telepathy, etc)
8 Hot Single Parent(s)
9 Enemies to Friends to Lovers
10 Characters Swap Roles AU (I don't mean in the bedroom)
11 Fake Dating/Fake Marriage Accidentally Turns Into Feelings
12 'Falling For A Coworker/Teammate Is A Bad Idea' Except This Is Fiction So It Works Out
13 And They Were Roommates!
14 Amnesia Fic
15 Friends to Lovers
16 Vampires/Werewolves AU
16 Supernatural Creature/Human Romance
18 Loyalty Kink
19 'They All Work In An Office' AU
20 High School/University AU
21 Fairy Tale/Mythology AU
22 Royals/Political Marriage Turns Into Feelings
22 Adopting/Raising a Baby
24 'Everyone is Evil'/Mirrorverse AU
25 Coffee House AU/Food Service AU
26 Soulmate Identifying Marks (Tattoo, Red Thread of Fate, etc)
26 Actually Unrequited Pining
28 Hogwarts AU
29 Reincarnation/'25 Lives' AU
30 'Groundhog Day'/Karmic Time Loop
31 Snowed-In Cabin/Isolated Together For Extended Period of Time
32 Seemingly Unrequited Pining
33 Unusually Specific Occupation AU, Like, The Author Clearly Has The Same Job
34 Pride and Prejudice AU
34 Selfcest (possibly due to time travel)
36 Hurt/Comfort
37 Daemons

all in all, i'm ok with the placement of things, though i still think raising a baby should be way higher than it is

kriszeth: (Default)
 it has come to my attention that everyone is doing a welcome post here now that is time to dust the old journals after years left unattended, announcing new interests and fannish endeavors, and even revamping this space to cater to new subscribers.

that said, I was wondering if that kind of post  would be expected? it wouldn't be a chore or anything.
kriszeth: (Default)
i hate my coworkers so much rn
kriszeth: (Default)
Bucky has a system.

Choose them, chase them, fuck them, toss them.

So far, it's been foolproof and satisfying, no complications, no awkwardness the morning after. But damn if that cute freshman doesn't make butterflies dance in his stomach instead of the usual twitch in his crotch—that usually ends in adding another name to his conquest list.

He blames the adorable cuteness of those pouty lips, and the cute perky butt in those tight, tight jeans, and the natural cadence of those hips as the boy walks leisurely through the campus with a knowing smile... that is directed at Bucky! Oh, God, did The Boy just wink at him?

Bucky gulps and then swallows dryly as he wets his lips, but his focus is ruined when he feels the unmistakable pain of something hard connecting with the back of his head.

"God, you're so pathetic," Tony drawls with a smirk as he shoulders his bag again.

Bucky notices he's the only one with his things still cluttering the table. Bucky opens his mouth with the intention to whine, but Natasha beats him.

"His name is Steven Grant Rogers," she says with a wriggle of her eyebrows.

Steven Gran Rogers—Stevie for his friends, and Bucky counted himself one. If you warped the sense of friend a little to, you know,—stalker—someone that follows you around to learn everything about you make sure no—one comes near you with ill intentions. Like flirting—thing bad happens to you.

(It's a big campus and dangerous things are known to happen to defenseless pretty creatures with perk butts, Bucky explained to an unimpressed Natasha.)

—is a freshman majoring in Arts, taking a special project about Japanese History, whom Bucky has been bewitched by since the beginning of the year.

Bucky pouts, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, there's a first time for everything, I suppose." Natasha says, amused and bemused, as Tony takes a better hold of Bucky's ankles. Natasha grunts with the effort of carrying Bucky by the armpits, who is being dragged, literally, to a party.

"But Naaaaat!" Bucky does his best to drawl out his words on that whinny voice of his that he knows Natasha hates, if the low answering growl she huffs is any indication. Bucky tries to crane his neck to look up to an upside-down version of his shorter friend. "Do I really, really, really have to go?" he asks pitifully.

"YES!" His friends reply.

"Fuck, you're heavy!" wheezes Tony. "Also, if I have to answer once more to all your whores about your whereabouts, I'm going to fucking kill her. Him. Them. Whoever asks next!"

"Really Bucky, you just up and left the parties in favor of lurking behind bookshelves at the library. Everyone thinks you're dying or something." Clint explains, leisurely walking besides his girlfriend, hands inside his pockets.

"But Cliiiiiiint!!!" Bucky maximizes on his pouting, so you can hear every exclamation point. "Stevie has an essay about WWII for tomorrow and he was planning to stay late at the library tonight!"

"Really, how do you find all that out?" Tony asks bewildered, his eyes round with a mix of incredulity and disgust.

"Were you standing outside the Japanese History hall spying again?" Natasha frowns down at Bucky.

"N-No!" He sputters hurriedly. Clint, Tony and Natasha stare down pointedly at him. "Kinda. Maybe? I was just gonna ask Professor Philips for help in a project!"

Bucky looks smugly at them, proud of his fast thinking. There's a long moment of silence, punctuated by everyone stopping walking, to make their staring down at him even more pointed.

"Bucky, you don't even take that class." Natasha shakes her head, partially annoyed, long time suffering, in the tone of voice she tends to use when being patient or patronizing and, more often than not, when treating with Bucky. "You are majoring in Engineering."

"So what? I need extra credits."

"And Phillips hates your guts." Tony points out.

"... Shut up!"
kriszeth: (Default)

when i began looking for leverage fic, i had so many ideas. there were the kind like where bucky barnes and eliot spencer are BFF and compare killing techniques over a spread of international cuisine they've just cooked, or the one where i want eliot spencer to be a hunter in the spn universe.

this tiny dialogue exceprt that can fit in a that big fic i'll never write:

“Would you STOP coming in through the WINDOWS, it scares the hell out of me every TIME!” au

"You don't look scared, though."


"Your pulse is constant and your eyes are not wide. Your stance is ready to fight, why do you try to make me think you're afraid when you look ready to kill?"

"I- I mean. Shut up, you still need to stop coming in through the windows."

"Where am I going to come through then? "

"….. the door? Like a normal person?"

Scoff, "Boring."
Read more... )
kriszeth: (Default)
ok so there was this tweet from @jinlili asking for those stories you've always wanted to write but never did for x reason and i said that i had a lot and now i am invested in finding those stories, because i somehow keep losing them, be it by computer crashes or drive/overdrive fucking up my online backups or that time i stupidly deleted my old tumblr and with it all the posts tagged orphan fic that are now forever lost.

so this is also a way for me to keep track of those stories. without further ado, here are some of those wips

1. the first story i remember ever thought about writing was original +snort+ and doesn't have a title, but it has its own entry

2. i had another plot and my old notebook tells me i titled it "mask the sadness" and it's about a boy who receives a text message from an unlisted number saying "i want to die" and he's not in a good headspace and so answers "so die", but his conscience will not let him sleep that night,  so he takes his phone and answers the text saying "you shouldn't send cryptic messages to random numbers, it could be dangerous" and gets a call for his troubles.
"who are you?" asks a girl's voice.
"i could be a pervert" answers the boy.
"are you?"
"i could be"
"... it is you who shouldn't be wasting your minutes calling strangers just to be an asshole. please don't you ever contact me"
and then the boy text her "i want to live."
and so it begins a beautiful friendship and maybe something more, but the budding story gets derailed when we learn the boy is sick and dying and the girl ends up crying at his tomb.   the end.

3. there was another one with a boy and a girl wrote a song together through a closed door without ever saying a word to each other all through their last year in a boarding school. the boy is a pianist and the girl a rebel without cause with an angelic voice. but i don't remember how that one ends.

more under a cut because this got really long )
















begin again

Jan. 1st, 2019 04:25 pm
kriszeth: (Default)
to begin the year I decided it was a good idea to learn the hell I deserve, thouth I mightvmileaned towards yes answers when I truly meant maybe, so idk how accurate the test got me. that said, here are my results:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repending Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)High
Level 8 - The Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
kriszeth: (Default)
wow, i really need to remember to check this site more often, how was everyone's Christmas? did you get the present you asked Santa for?
i don't really do Christmas anymore since i am all grown up and sometimes i think it somehow i've lost the magic of it, but somehow i love reading about it in fic? idk

anyway, i'm hungry so i'm going to the kitchen to get something to eat, just wantd to post something and welcome anyone who has taken to subscribing to me, i am so sorry i suck at this and i'm still kinda surprised my reading page has new post already!!!

see ya all later


Dec. 7th, 2018 11:02 pm
kriszeth: (Default)
 hello, everyone!
so, I guess we're gonna begin posting here until a new shiny and fandom friendly platform surfaces. 
that said, I must confess i don't remember how to DW, so for now I'm subscribing to journals left and right. I don't think I have any private posts in here, but tell me if you want me to grant you access too.
only time will tell how I fate here once again. in the meantime welcome, and sorry for the emotional weaboo posts from the LJ era if you venture into my past.
kriszeth: (Default)
my kingdom for a real kiss


Jun. 9th, 2017 01:05 pm
kriszeth: (Default)
do you ever have those weeks where at first you are easily annoyed by everything, when even talking is really too much, so you wrap yourself in muteness and old music and little by little, on short periods of time in some days, everyhing feels soft and yealding and nothing really matters anymore and you are at peace for this brief respite? i kinda feel like that with my headphones on rigth now, everything is mellow and i'm only waiting quietly to go home.
kriszeth: (Default)
i have a dilemma.

i joined an ARC group and i received this book called the phantom light : a phantoms novella and now i have to review it before june 12th but the thing is, i did not like this book. how honest should i be when reviewing it? the ARC group is supposed to give it exposure, but i feel mean when i think what this book made me feel.

here's what i got so far for the review and any help will be welcome into making it sound less mean, because i am actually going to give it 2 stars on goodreads.

"i received this book as an ARC copy for my honest review.

 written in 1st pov, we embark into valerie's very confusing journey to choose wether she, as a newly minted spirit, decides to move onto the after life or stay in the cold, grey world she finds herself awakening after dying in a car crash (this in a misguided attempt to convince her little sister it was not her fault she's dead).

 the protagonist is a teenager and it shows, especially since after maybe accepting she's dead, valerie can't help but keep pointing out how hot is the grim reaper chosen to guide her spirit or how she keeps saying everything she ever does, is because how stubborn everyone in her life has told her she is.

 i actually think it'd be interesting to read after you met the characters in the main story, learning about the origins of a character you've already fallen in love with, but as a stand alone or to read before the first novel, it feels pretty lacking.

 though it has an interesting premise, it doesn't deliver, wether it is because how annoyingly repetitive valerie's voice is or that it really has no plot, i don't know."



Apr. 27th, 2017 05:53 pm
kriszeth: (Default)
someday soon i am going to buy a big tin full of cookies and hide it in my room, because of reasons.
kriszeth: (Default)
ok, this has been on my mind for a while now, but i need a second opinion, because i truly don't understand.

so, my workplace is a viper's nest and everyone kinda hates everyone, but we have to see each other every day like a dysfunctional family and everyone talks behind each others back. with this backstory though, we have the asshole everyone agrees is just a shitty human being of an asshole. he's racist, misogynist, hypocrite, rude, arrogant, and in general a piece of shit.

here's the thing that astounds me, though. because the woman who sits in the cubicle besides me hates the asshole, actually they don't like each other and talk bad about the other and keep bullying each other ( the asshole is pretty much a dick to everyone, but she is her main target), BUT SHE KEEPS CONFIDING IN HIM ALL HER LIFE TROUBLES. like, she actually asks him what's his opinion on her troubles and what could she do.

this because her workplace BFF stopped talking to her and she doesn't tell me about her troubles (not that i want her to tell me, but...), because, and i quote, she feels like i will only nag her and also because i never tell her anything about myself.

i talking about an independent 38 year old woman that studied law, with a secure job and a teenage daughter and a boyfriend, scared about that i, a 31 year old single woman who still lives with her parents, would nag her, as if i could have any reason to nag her about her life choices, but why, oh why, would someone willingly trust an asshole who keeps putting her down with racist and misogynist comments all day long with all her life troubles because she feels lonely at work? doesn't she have friends she can confide in outside this place?

like, am i wrong to be amazed and confused about it? i just don't get it.

kriszeth: (Default)

jin's enthusiasm about it is endearing. and kinda blank faced, but beggars can't be choosers.

anyway, dw layouts depress me, which is part of the reason why i haven't really attached myself to it and i can't for the life of me make heads or tails of instructions to prettify this place. and not to lose the habit, i'm here to ask if anyone knows of a place to snack some pretty kattun/kame/jinpreferably kame or akame layouts. so far, google has failed me, though google usually does.

in other non-news, i've noticed i tend to bemoan and whine about the state of my messy room and my ability to procrastinate when cleaning it. activity in which i'm partaking right now, so, for lack of a plus/paid account i can't do a poll, but options on witty tags for it (because of course you're interested how often i don't clean my room) are welcome on comments.

btw, does anyone here have a jposuki account? i just gone one myself and i'm pretty scared they're gonna kick me out. so i have a ratio watch of 0.17, uploaded like 160 kb and downloaded around 850 kb, less than to weeks on the forum and 4gb behind before ratio watch was supposed to kick in. did i cross some limit?

p.s. mood emoticons on dw suck too DDDD:

kriszeth: (Default)
so i had the wondrous idea of requesting fic without really reading an entry so now i'm roped into it.

The first ten people to comment in this post get to request that I write a drabble of any pairing/character of their choosing. In return, they have to post this in their journal, regardless of their ability level. If you absolutely can't write, maybe find a creative alternative

so, yeah, prompt away?
kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
so lately, all my dreams seem to have some things in common:

a. old houses/castles with a bazillion stone stairs that end up nowhere up up and far away with lots of undergrowth and bushes and tress surrounding me. AND I HAVE TO GO UP THEM, DAMNIT

b. the magistrate giving me MORE WORK

c. horses

somehow, i miss the zombie nightmares :\
kriszeth: (Default)
i just think there should be a fic where kame and/or jin work as operator for a hot porn line

just saying
kriszeth: (the wind whispers to me your name)
you'd think that after years of munching on cookies instead of having a proper breakfast would make me sick of the. well, you think wrong. every time i see someone eating a cookie i want one too, no matter the kind. except maybe walnut's one. even chocolate ones make me salivate DDD:

in other news, i didn't get to enter the piano classes since the course was already full and it'll open again until next year. pondering if i should enter the chorus and vocalization one.

reading akame mushy stuff and diving back into pokemon fic since CCS fandom was full of angst and i don't think i have the mind frame to try full metal alchemist, though i'm pondering FFVII too.

i want to watch some drama. i don't know what drama to watch. i need mindless, funny and happy ending drama. any reccs?

currently reading dance dance dance by Haruki Murakami. do not expect for a review. finished the first book on the dresden files collection. i love spike's voice.

having lost of weird dreams lately.

p.s. no one got back at me about that writing proposal =(

kriszeth: (under the umbrella)
i am supposed to be working on two collab fics at the moment, but my collaborators seem to be busy with other projects and real life, which i don't begrudge, believe me, but it makes me feel conscientious and leaves a lot of free time on my hands.

me + free time = depression

so, now i'm asking if someone wants to make a collab fic with me. i even have a rough plot (or a million), or if you want we can co-write any idea you have. i guess i just want to write but i don't have the patience or attention span required to do it on my own, so pondering if someone wants to write with me something. i'm not the best writer there is in the world, but.... um, i'm angsty?

which may not motivate a lot of people to stick with me through writing sessions :|

either way, if you're interested, comment here. or PM me. or hit me at (even if you don't see me online i most probably am. i'm just all ninja about it and hiding from unwanted real life people)


Sep. 17th, 2010 10:00 pm
kriszeth: (outside the window)
today, i discovered i'm terrified. i'm not exactly sure at what. maybe life in general.

but this fear, this terror, i don't know where it came from or the reasons for its origins. it's not the kind of terror that makes your heart beat rise, but more the kind that stops everything, the one that leaves you cold an shaken and faux paralyzed.

what was i really afraid of? of being blamed for a careless action? what made me afraid? even when in my mind i was all "great, now he's going to blame me for it", sarcastic and kind of indifferent, b, it was something deeper, something darker. it was like reaching out your hand into the fire, only the fire is a kind of hatred, of spitefulness, of vindictiveness, of the will to hurt and destroy, the core of human ill feelings.

i was afraid to be burn and be blamed and condemned.

or maybe i was afraid of just losing my job. which is ridiculous, because it was not something so irreparable as to fire me just for something so inane.

but it's not the first time and that's what makes it all the more terrible.
kriszeth: (Default)
ok, guys, this has been bugging me ALL.FUCKING.WEEK. AND I NEED OPINIONS ON THE TOPIC.


really guys, i kid you not, i haven't been able to get it outta my mind. and i somehow can't conform only with a"yes or no", i feel the need for reasons and meta and explanations and maybe even pics, idk. convince me (not that it would take a lot), but there's this feeling in me that wants words. lots of words about your own experience as akame fans.

past the idea, what makes you think about possibilities? do you even think there even are possibilities? if you think "kriszeth, you're delusional, they are only friends. if that"

i NEED to know. need something solid or as solid as fans' thoughts can solidify.

maybe i'm asking too much, and i don't get a lot of comments in neither of my entries, but this time i beg for comments. i want to know your thoughts on this matter, so i hope you click on the post a comment thingie and tell me what do you think/feel/believe and here is the tricky part: I ALSO WANT THE WHYS!
also, sorry for sounding so desperate, but really, this is the way my mind works, i hope you can indulge me

kriszeth: (Default)
.... or how it took me three tries to write friends instead of fiends D:

either way, in the spirit of hiatus i'm totally forsaking for the sake of, well, boredom, does people remember my excited tweets/post about renting a box at the post office for international mail i was so gonna get? well, thanks to the fucking up my dear computer decided to throw at me i forgot to mention that as i am currently saving to buy a new one, the renting of the box is getting delayed.

which means, i won't have money or time till next year for that awesome plan i was cracking up.

so currently i'm poor and overworked but getting now paid OH GOD, FUCK YEAH \O/ I AM HAPPY YAY

so er, to those who wait for mail from me, please be patient. i promise to send those letter by new year, i aswear. in the meantime, i'm still recollecting addresses, so please pm me those who want mail from me.

that said, i am sorry to making all of those who gave their addresses wait   m(_ _)m

kriszeth: (be still my heart)
well, if you took it to mind already let me tell i suck at following my own decisions, so i'm posting now because OIAJSDOIQWE THIS IS A FUCKING AMAJIN MEME IMMA OK?

so, how mentally [in]stable am i?

01. Take your total,
02. Multiply by 4,
03. And tag 10 friends DO IT, EVERYONE!

The Mental Instability Meme.

[  ] You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.'
[  ] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[  ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[ x ] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.
[ x ] You have run into a tree/bush. i don't remember if this really happened, but knowing myself, i'm sure it happened sometime.
[ ] You have been called a blond.

[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow. i actually know this to be impossible...
[ x ] You just tried to lick your elbow. i still went and did it :l
[ x ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody.
[ x ] You just sang them to make sure.
[ x ] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
[ x ] You have choked on your own spit.

[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
[ ] You type with three fingers or less.
[ x ] You have accidentally caught something on fire. yeah, like, my hair :l
[  ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.
[ x ] You have caught yourself drooling.

[ x ] You have fallen asleep in class.
[ x ] Sometimes you just can't stop thinking.
[ x ] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
[ ] You are often told to use your 'inside voice.'

[ x ] You use your fingers to do simple math. ... sometimes /sheephish
[  ] You have eaten a bug accidentally.
[ x ] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[ x ] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[ x ] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time. e.g. picks, cards, pens, phones, money, keys etc.

[ ] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't.
[ x ] You break a lot of things.
[ x ] You tilt your head when you're confused.
[ x ] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[ x ] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
[ x ] The word "um" is used frequently.
[ x ] You don't know what "um" means.
[ x ] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[ ] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.

GRAND TOTAL: 22 x 4 = 88

does this mean i'm an average retarded person?
kriszeth: (akira down)
so i have a computer no more and it'll take me MONTHS to save enough money to get another one. atm, i'm taking advantage that my bros are out with gfs and i can use theirs. tho still, not happy about it since if i make them mad or something is likely they´ll stop lending me it AND THAT'S SAD SINCE IM PRONE TO MAKE THEM REALLY MAD AT LEAST ONCE A DAY ;A;

so, i guess this is a hiatus announcement or something.



so, that said. hiatus, see you back with updates on my life[snort]. i'm sure lotsa people will defriend =(

even so, let me tell you i'll still be stalking you all via my phone. only i won't be able to comment lots >___<

see ya soon, girls. if there is someone amazing in fandom, please leave a link. i'll check it, for rearu.

kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
wow, it's almost the end of the month and i just noticed i haven't updated at all and well, i don't really wanna rn.

i'm still kinda blank faced about the jin thing that must not be named less i start bawling, only i can't and that makes it all the more ;_______;

and i'm kinda miffed you know, because i had kinda planned how to spend my two week vacation only that the day i got outta court SOMEONE DECIDES TO ANNOUNCE HE WON'T BE COMING BACK TO KATTUN, COULDN'T YOU AT LEAST HAVE WAITED UNTIL WORK WAS BURYING ME UNDER PAPERWORK TO DO IT, DAMNIT!!!!

but that is not here not there. i don't intend to make this entry all woe-is-me, because a lot of people have already done it and i think [ profile] gothicauthor explained the practical part of all this better than anyone can ever do it here.

either way, the point is  guys i'm getting a box at the post office and i intend to get my money worth back, so people who want to be penpals with me, please to PM your address =D
yes, i put the point in bold letters so as to make you read it.

kriszeth: (outside the window)
[Error: unknown template qotd]
kriszeth: (Default)
cookie tagged me and so now you'll suffer from another inconsequential post  =Dy

Meme Rules:

A. Upon receiving this tag, immediately perform a screencapture of your desktop. It is best that no icons will be deleted before the screen capture so as to add to the element of fun.

B. Post the picture in your blog. You can also give a short explanation on the look of your desktop just below it if you want. You can explain why you preferred such look or why is it full of icons. Things like that.

C. Tag five of your friends.

so, um yeah. i have no icons in my desktop and no, i'm not cheating. i really don't like them getting in the way of my pretty kame wallpapers. sometimes i have akame too. or jin alone. but mostly kame. if you're wondering, no, this is not mine. idr who made it though <winces> i'm really bad at giving credit. please to forgive me awesome graphics OTZ.

the reason why i choose this wallpaper is because after seeing it come up in my flist inner was "my feelings made into a sizable wallpaper with pretty hot asian obsession, me wants" so i grabbed it and put it on my desktop as a point. what that point is exactly i'm not sure. only my feelings portrayed by a hot asian male. it even has the same mantra i've been screaming for years in my darkest moments! ... or, you know, something.

as i don't have icon on desktop to tarnish the amazing view, you'll notice i have a lot of shortcuts to my most used applications on the toolbar. it makes it easier since i can change the icons to differentiate. as previously stated i have the olive green version of windows which is so much more pleasant than the lunawhatchamacallit blue one.

so, tagging, ok. i choose <s>pikachu!</s> [ profile] koneho [ profile] akanishe [ profile] pipsqueaks [ profile] flamesword and [ profile] silver_ryu but if you don't it's cool too.

now i'll go turn off bro's pc while mine turns off too.

kon's meme

Jun. 13th, 2010 12:59 pm
kriszeth: (Default)
1) Other than Livejournal, what's your most-frequented website? as of lately, coz i've been catching up with old american series i never finished watching. currently on angel season four, and boy hasn't that series had 360° turns every other episode.

2) If you could pick one KAT-TUN song to be the anthem of your life right now, which song would it be?
i totally went and looked up the translation for their lyrics and i'm between lost and utaitsuzukeru toki, only they're too hopeful for what i'm feeling at the moment. which you can understand if you read my broken entry before this one. idk, sometimes i don't even want to sing anymore, which is actually when i am in my darkest times, so maybe utaitsuzukeru toki, since to me, the feel of singing is pretty important to show i actually i'm fine. when i can't bring myself to sing, that's when i truly know i'm fucked.

3) Stupidest fashion trend you've ever seen?
ah~ i'm quite unfashioned, so i really wouldn't know what fashion is even if it bites me in the ass, so hopeless there love.

4) What's your favourite colour?
contrary to what my wardrobe might tell you, it's green. don let my emo choosing in clothes confuse you

5) What's one of the things that turn you off to a guy?
conceitedness without awesome treats to pull it off. i mean, sometimes men are jerks but at least they have something to back up that conceit. there are guys though that believe themselves god's unique gift to the world but are complete dumb asses than only had a good struck of luck. i see one daily and my only response to him is to ignore him and that pisses him off a lot, but i actually feel revulsion to that kind of people.
kriszeth: (Default)
this has been long in coming, though. all this week has felt utterly sucky, beginning with the awful weather and continuing with no paying job in the horizon, a couple of family fights per day (and when i say fight i mean shouting match that lasts three to for hours average) and so on. summary: my life is truly fucked up right now. not even NMP pv could lift my spirits, that's how bad it is.

i mean i've resorted to embroidering to pass the time. finished a couple of books that had been sitting in my hard drive for a while now. been doodling a lot and the drawings are so abstractedly sad and ominously desperate.

my choice of reading didn't help much in the beginning. i mean, i chose my sister's keeper by jodi picoult. let me tell you the characters are really interesting and the constant changing in pov made them even more lively. still, fuck it but that's my life right there. the problems i live with everyday inside my family, then tension, death hanging all over the house and the stubbornness and all that horrible mix of negative feelings drowning us all. i hated the book but i couldn't detach myself from it. it was quite masochistic.

and so, yeah. my father has chronic renal failure ever since six years ago or something like that and it has been fucking hell in my house since we found out about it. my brother left college to help maintain the family business afloat so me and my younger brother could finish a career and then after i finish i lost the chance to get a couple jobs because i was always at the hospital in another city and so two years have passed and i'm still unemployed, living with my parents and failing driving classes spectacularly.

and now i don't even remember my rant anymore since mom called to say something she never did and it's quite likely she'll do it again in some minutes, so i'm cutting this here.
kriszeth: (Default)
Your rainbow is shaded black.


What is says about you: You are a powerful person. You appreciate mystery. You may meet people who are afraid of you.

Find the colors of your rainbow at
kriszeth: (outside the window)
When you think everything is lost, if something of what you misplaced and was yours comes back, it feels like what you got back is worth a thousand times more of  what you lost.

Monotony. This is your life, a bunch of activities organized into a schedule that repeats day after fay. Nothing new, nothing exciting, nada de ná. Not since that person had left, taking with him everything he had ever owned.
The ringing of the bell announces insistently the presence of someone on the other side of the door and he gets up mechanically to go and open it. If that horrendous sound kept on ringing it would cause him a migraine. Usually, his guests understood they weren't welcomed once he closed the door in their faces.

Once he removed the locks the door opened with a bang and he closed his eyes tightly waiting for the impact. The next thing he knew is that he was on his back in the floor, a familiar weight on his chest and abdomen, an incessant buzz on his ears that after a moment became words (incoherent words, but words all the same).

Only when he heard the ever present monotone silence, he dared to open his eyes.

"Ara? Are you crying? Did I hurt you?"

A deep rumble began in his chest, traveled from his throat, past his lips until it became an hybrid between a laugh and a sob as he clung tightly to the neck of the person sitting on his thighs.

idk why when i write kame he always ends up kinda crying and sakdjqiojew. kame gets outta control in my fics and argh. either way. will post another one tomorrow. hopefully it'll be better
kriszeth: (outside the window)

So, kriszeth, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 0% unique, 20% peculiar, 60% interesting, 18% normal and 3% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy manga). When it comes to friends you are popular. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is intellectual.

Your overall weirdness is: 28

(The average level of weirdness is: 28.
You are weirder than 63% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

so it seems i'm not unique at all, wth? what does uniqueness entail either way. also, i'm quite abnormal but we all knew that already. also, lol, intellectual. really now.
what does herdlike mean though?

well, the purpose of this post is not only that but to humbly ask if wny of you know where to download an unattended updated versions of windows xp that supports spanish, english and japanese? hope you can help me


May. 10th, 2010 09:53 am
kriszeth: (feel the sea breeze)
sometimes i think my writing was better before, so here, some samples translated from spanish since i wanna trash all the old papers in my room now that summer hotness is smoldering me. and not in a good je way.

1. The poem
Sometimes the pain is carved too deep.
No one knows what to do or how to do it,
but in spite of everything, they just wait.
They hope not having to face that pain,
even though that pain is theirs
they rather ignore it.
Forget that they ever felt it,
they give it their back and abandon it
even when their tears beg them to look back.
they just leave, step by step they go away.
And in time they forget they felt it once.
Forget that it was theirs and it hurt them.
Forget to keep on living.
And when they think that it doesn't matter anymore,
when the think they can't feel it anymore,
when the tears have already dried,
they look back only to see the blood their wounds have spilled.
But the blood is still fresh,
the wound keeps on bleeding
and the tears begin anew,
the pain is felt once again
and sometimes even stronger.
because when they tried to bury that pain
they just carved the wounds deeper.

3. The song (or i don't even remember the tune anymore)
Play for me
I remember that first melody
how it became a caress to my damaged soul.
It meant love, someone said, and I lost control.
I didn't want you to love me but I revealed in it.

I remember the second one. my sadness and your pain,
the way your tears became mine
and how I just run away.
You threw the illusion that kept me going,
but even so...

I'll sing for you to play for me
I promise I'll do anything you ask of me.
So please, play for me to sing for you.
'Cause even if I don't believe in happily ever after
we'll still have this moment
                    Promise you'll play for me
There's something to say about hope.
It's the most cruelest of feelings I've ever known.
But still, it'll shred me to pieces iif i ever lose it.
                   So play for me.

I'm aware we haven't known each other for long
but I can't let you forget me already.
So long I have thought this time will last forever.
That is already enough

That's why I'll sing for you

'Cause even if I don't accept it I'm yours
more than I'm willing to admit, so...

Please, play for me to sing for you
I beg you, don't ever love anyone else
because I'm selfish like that

And tomorrow I will sing.
And tomorrow you will play.
To fill again a sleepless night.
To overcome another end

kriszeth: (Default)
i've always wanted to tell you

get it out of your chest and tell me something =D
kriszeth: (i'll cling to you)
ok, that's a lie. i got amazing twitters messages saying happy birthday and even a banner, and just because this must be preserved, here:

i feel llike i just won something amazing when i see that pic, and it makes me go all =DDDDDDDD

i also got fluffy akame fic wrote by She. yeah you read right, She wrote me fluff here. an then she wrote an entry in her journal to wish me a happy birthday with the amazing title: Reincarnated cyborgs from the future and hot steamy wolf boys.  i must be honest and say that i opened that entry just because the amazing title. in fact, She just made me happy with a tittle and i would have been silly grin happy just with that tittle as a present i'm not lying. though i don't begrudge more fluffy akame fic. just saying. ;P

i am all smug and preening like a smug preen-y person. i'm also incoherent. i blame my cold, the meds and my rollercoster emotional draining worry for my computer. yes, my computer. i don't know how i did it, but i think i fixed it.... but now i have to configure it all. again. thanks to y brother impatience to go see his gf.

WOULD HAVE BEEN SO HARD TO HAVE WAITED FOR TEN MINUTES MORE AND NOT  UNPLUG THE DAMN CONTRAPTION OUTTA MY JUST FIXED REALLY OLD COMPUTER? WOULD IT? god, just thinking about it makes me mad again. i'm more mellow now, but i blame my sickness for that too. and let's not forget my pained muscles thanks to kickboxing.

so, the point of this entry was to say:

1. yamapi, i did not forget your birthday, my computer was with the tech guy getting fixed. love, k

2. my birthday was a mess, but i still received all the pretty comments/wishes and felt sparkly, even if it was just a second before my pc crashed down and i got really mad and almost cried, but i really really really appreciated all your efforts in making me feel loved, because i really felt loved and guys, akamerars and those just kattun fans on my flist, thank you so much.

3. it was also domoto tsuyoshi's birthday. i miss your music, please to release a new album

4. i somehow managed to fix my pc. me = happy

5.  having to reconfigure pc's a drag

6. i need to go and help mother with house chores or she'll kill me. mood : disgruntled

kriszeth: (outside the window)
today i got called into the office because students have commented i don't teach them well, though they didn't say anything about no studying. how do they even expect to learn english with only two hours per week? that's stupid.

either way, no, the reason for this post is not about my bitching. idc all that much if i get fired atm, students are an unreasonable buch of idiots who want to pass without studying (no offense to those on my flist who are hardworking students).

the real reason though is my absolute need for akame podfic. now that i think about it, i'm almost sure i saw a link to podfic in one fic one upon a time, but for the life of me i can't find it and i'm all emo about it because I.REALLY.WANT.IT.

though, if i'm being delusional and just spluttering nonsense, i humbly ask from my lovely, awesome, akame filled flist to please, please, please, please be a kind soul and if you find it in your heart to spare some time, could you possibly maybe probably record for me (and all the akame community) some fic? pretty please with a cherry on top? ::insert puppy jin eyes::


there was something else i wanted to say but idr what it was, so..... how was your day? busy? tell me something about you guys, i don't really know much about all of you, but i'm trying. and failing. b-but what counts is the intention?
kriszeth: (Default)
so, last week i finally watched spirit. you know, the dreamworks movie told from a horse's point of view. i could only think about how much spirit reminded me of jin.and how rain was kame and how the indian, little creek, was so yamapi and of course the colonel would be johnny, only hotter and younger and taller and maybe it couldn't be johnny after all. but all stories need a villain.

i also was all, oijdjuewkj, i'm a deranged akame fangirl, why jennipher, why? T_______________T but couldn't stop casting je boys as horses/indians/cadets. specially since i could only think about how much i wanted that je!spirit fic with jin starring as a horse, and guys, it would be perfect. perfect i tell you.


in other news, yay, week off! \o/ and just because i can YAY, ASHI'S FIC IS AWESOME! \o/

not really much to say, really. just wanted to update because i want to make myself write again. i haven't begun writing on my notebook. i want to wait until april to begin as to have a sense of time, since i don't really like to put dates on my entries. i'm weird like that, must explain why my room is always a disaster, but i'm all bleh right now. ::looks around at the mess and cringes at thinking she has to clean. someday. preferably soon, but not now::

how's everyone doing, btw? i'm waiting impatiently for blue-orbs to update In his care. so want it now. i'm gonna take my pc to fix. well, the other one. and i want a net book, but must save money for it. i have only half of it.kjsdioqw, why so expensive?

and as i am random, have you read this? i'm kinda miffed about it. not because of kame being likely a homosexual, but because of kusano and that josh guy's dickness. i want to smack them real hard, dunno why.

thinking about that, i've discovered i'm freakishly attracted to gay men, which does not spells a good outlook in my relationship, but i can't help it guys! ::whines:: i mean, let's take a looks at my most favorite singers in the entire world.

of gay singers that made me want in his pants. except for the first one.. also, skip if you don't undesrtand or care for spanish songs. )

really, sometimes i wish i was born a man if only to make a pass at some of this guys.

also, there are missing the gay english singers i am in love with. we will skip the japanese, since the title of this journal says enough about it.

and to finish this entry a gift of kame:

kjdioqwjeioqw, i am really screwed.


Mar. 20th, 2010 08:31 pm
kriszeth: (feel the sea breeze)
i want to try this again

it's been a long time since i've kept a journal. and i'm not talking about flimsy, uneven and fangirl post on computer. to be quite honest to my self, i wrote more and better when i kept a journal. i still have the unfinished notebook somewhere in the mess i call my room.

i stopped doing it at the time because i got frustrated about how all i wrote about was oh, please let me die already. or how much i've missed zaphiro, nee-san, seiya, dymi, sirent, leo, lenny,  jen, jenny, jennipher and I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I'M GONNA HURT SO DEEP YOU'LL NEVER FILL IN THE VOID I'LL CARVE INTO YOUR SOUL, I HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU, JUST YOU WAIT I'LL GET MY REVENGE. I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER SO MUCH YOU'LL WISH TO BE DEAD BUT I'LL LET YOU LIVE. LIVE AND CRY IN HOPELESSNESS LIKE HOW YOU'VE LEFT ME.

even in this space i tend to mention them, but imagine every entry talking about the hopelessness and uncertainty about the future. the bleakness of tomorrow when i just discovered death had robbed of my most precious loves. i hated myself. hated the person that imprinted into paper feelings so dark and despairing in lively colors. i wanted to forget, but i could only remember.

even now, i'm not past those feelings. sometimes i want to sit and cry until i've run out of tears. but then, there are those little excerpts full of beautifully tinted heartbreak. and even when it hurts, i get a little proud. did i really just wrote that?

i want to get that back. the feeling of being able to express myself. i want that back.

also, appropriate song is appropriate

also, happy birthday, sato takeru.
kriszeth: (Default)
Title: Everybody loves an accident
Pairing : nishikato
Notes: I tweaked the lyrics to fit the story, so I hope is not considered copyright infringement or something. THIS IS NOT A SONGFIC. Just saying.
Summary: Ryo, the wannabe rockstar, works in a dive. Where he meets this jaded, sarcastic and love-is-a-waste-of-time college student, Shige. Angst ensues and so, Ryo writes him a song. Then ...

Rewind )
kriszeth: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]
 nee-san, kame, master, fic, akame

.... kame, jin, music, kattun, dorama, dreams, wish i could write like that, wolfboy, wolves, stress, i need to clean my room, kame, jin, tiredtired, kame, kame in drag, kame smiling, kame talking, kame shy, kame, kame, kame, why do je boys are prettier than me?, love on kame, i need a new compu, i don't have money, kame exists, jin, jin is a baka, why are there so little akame fics lately?, kame and jin in some tv show, new single/album yay! \o/, have to wake up early, stop procrastinating, music, kame, i love this song, nightmares are cool.... sometimes, jin is such a dork, jfiojwejañfeiofahopfejisdvkjsdjsdopewf so pretty! *___________*, i miss akame, everybody do the d-motion~, ooooooh, shiny!, akame is hot, kame is hotter, i really really really want to go to japan, i need a better job, i miss master, zaphiro no baka!, and master said: shop their heads off!.... ok, it didn't go like that, news, arashi, yamapi walks funny, twitter is fun, jin jin jin jin, i need to lear all the names of my flist, like really XP, why jennipher, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? T__________T, kame i love thee! life is hard... dakara happy?, why so difficult, yo? i need more koki-zen teachings, love on the flist, kame so cute, why can i keysmash like the cool kids? akame is as awesum fandom, delusion is a mastery,hands get weak and knees give out,  gackt's voice makes me go kyaa!, i love hyde's voice, i need more l'arc en ciel in my life, i need to fix my hd, i miss all my music, downloading~, la lala lalalala~, kamerars unite!, kame is pretty, i cried and set aside for a bitch that lied, bff ftw, seiya where are thou?, lj why so boring tonight?.....

ok, those were more than five recurring thoughts, kame would have so many tags and the index would be full of smileys and sparkles, but i blame je for that. mnid sharing the tags in your mind?
kriszeth: (the wind whispers to me your name)
ok, so my flist is getting increasingly longer, not that i mind. but it causes me great confusion since i also have a twitter account and getting acquainted with, so i humbly ask of my flist to please share their information with me like:

<b>lj username</b>
<b>tumblr username</b>
<b>dreamwidth account</b>
any other names you wanna share

this'll help me to try and know who is who, because when someone says the real name or a nickname when talking i tend to get hopelessly confused and don't know who is who

comments are screened
kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
so, i don't really want to update about myself a the moment, but i need somewhere to put some links before i delete opera from my pc. is just really slowing down my  pc, so say good bye.

also, don't you all love when is kame or jin's birthdays? because, fuck, so many pretty and shinny and akame things. here some examples:

the awesome kame love post that kills your bandwidth 

so many shinnies, really ~*_____________________*~

we also have banner proclaiming our kame love

we also got icons, lots and lots of awesome kame icons. jashduasdqwk, why do i only have space for 15? why, jennipher, whyyyyyyyy? T____________T    and let's not forget the gifts.

in the akame corner, we also got lovely akame copy-cat fashion

so. um, none of this post were made by me, but by awesome kame fans to which i owe my constant kame feed. i'm only putting up link here for prosperity. good night

p.s. ashi, i owe an explanation or comment or answer. my next post will hopefully answer your inquiries. thank you for worrying about me, you are a lovely lovely person. also, even if you see me offline on ym, try to contact me, i might be ninja!online, trying to not be found by some people i can't find in myself to block from rl
kriszeth: (outside the window)
 you'd think after two years of doing this i'll have something prepared for it. a fic, a graphic, a poem, a quot, a song, something. but alas, life tends to suck the, well, life outta me.

i actually don't know how you manage so much in so little time. it leaves me in awe how amazing you are, you're hard working character, your smile, how you've become so comfortable in your own skin. there's really lots of things to learn from you.

happy birthday, Kamenashi Kazuya. i say this every year, but i really hope you have a long and enjoyable life, which i'm sure you will, because you're you, and that's reason enough for me to love you, thank you for existing
kriszeth: (feel the sea breeze)
 so i got back my computer, after like two months. i'm so utterly happy =D

this year has been busy crazy, i wake up at 8, get to the internship at 9, get out at 3, com home, eat, go out again, be it to INAEBA or the high school, get home at 7 if i'm lucky and if not at ten, rinse, sleep, repeat. i don't wanna prepare classes for tomorrow T_________T

the internship is kinda cool, but waking up early is a bitch.

INAEBA work is a hassle, because the office is a fucking mess at the moment. my manager has changed four times in the last month and today i got shocked because they told me i would get assigned to new communities so all my non-paid work for the last two months can go fuck itself. yes, i'm mad about this and monday i'm gonna bitch about it to the coordinator. 

the highschool work is kinda ok, kinda not. so, i kinda know english, i'm good at grammar, my pronunciation still sucks, but i'm getting better (internet how you save me so ♥) but i understand what i'm talking about. even so, the academic teacher, who's in charge of the subject is worse than me and he's supposed to have a degree to back him up, but i can't say anything since he's been teaching there for like seven years, but having to apply to the students the exams he makes is a pain the ass, since you know, his grammar sucks. even plain old me didn't get half the exams. i wonder if i should be worried for my work since i have like a hundred students and only the third passed, and i'm not talking about flying colors either ::sighs:: though all of them told me from the beginning they didn't like english, so maybe it's just that they're blocking themselves from learning.- and let's face it, students are really conniving and procrastinators (been there done that), but it's ridiculous how they keep telling me i should teach them like the old teacher. can you all be more childish? hat's plain stupid, they almost literally told me "i don't learn because you don't teach me like my old teacher. also, you don't have leader skills, so that's why i don't pay you any attention nor do i take you seriously"

leaving that aside and talking about enjoyable things, OMFG KATTUN NEW SINGLE (yes i know i'm hopelessly late to the party, but i don't care) LKASJDOIAJWQOEDKASMNCLASI. I LOVE EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF THE D-MOTION, OVERUSED AUTOTUNE AND ALL, I LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH. also, aishiteru kara, aishiteru kara, kame kame kame kame kame have i told you how much I FUCKING LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND JUST EVERYTHING, YOU MADE ME CREEPY FOR AN IDOL, THAT WAS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE IN MY BOOKS BEFORE I KNEW YOU EXISTED, PLEASE DON'T EVER CHANGER. NEVER EVER. and i'm totally behind on yamanade, but i love love love love it to pieces, (though i don't get the opening, but who cares, kame adorably clueless and dense and CROSS DRESSING, if that's NOT HOT i don't know what is, i loved him in his seifuku. i might have realized i even have a thing for kame in girl seifuku, just ♥♥♥♥♥♥.

Kanjani's Christmas single it's also pure love. i love Ryo, but that's for another post.

as i've been outta lj for the last month and i might have bypassed lotsa things on my super fast peruse of the flist, i'll ask to kind souls to please send me links of awesome downloadable things. specially yamanade. and jin's concert rips would be awesome too, i know they're out there somewhere, but i can't get to them DDD=

to A.RA.SHE XP happy belated birthday, and if this weekend i have time to breathe i'll scrunch up something for you. if not, at least let's chat. i miss you lots and lots. for real face.

to kon-awesome-is-my-surname, let's see how long it takes me then to send you the gift i picked up. i still need to send it for engraving ToT and polishing.

to cookie, just wondering if you send that card or if it was you i asked for a christmas card, cos it hasn't arrived and it seems like an awful lot of time since christmas. if you weren't able to send it, it's alright, just wanted to know if i should stop hoping.

god, i missed akame, what's going on with them?


peace and out. have fun going out while i prepare classes for tomorrow 

kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
wow. just wow. january is ending and i haven't done much fandom wise or worthy and klsjdoiasdjas i spent too much time away from my pc T_______________T

so i got my hands in two part-time jobs and an internship full time in regular hours wich kills all my free time and my pc broke down so i had to format my HD .again. and even though this time i had saved all my files i can't access them, idk if it's thanks to incompatibility or i need to buy a new cable DDDDDD:

so, how is yamanade coming along? comments, critics, spazzy babbling is always welcome. and i'd really like to hear something about it from you [ profile] koneho , because you kept saying you didn't like the actress the producers chose. also, i need your address.

um, dunno what else to talk about, and i need to go and sleep since i stil have to wake up early to finish planning classes and putting together worksheets and etc, etc, etc.

kriszeth: (Default)
though i should.

so, was watching this vid. 2005, akame. good vintage XP

and then, you see, after how hin and kame hold pinkies, hoe they're the first to separate, and how kame does pointedly not look back at jin, though jin kept watching him walk away. makes one go aww.

and because jin talking about kame makes me always go doki-doki, here:

kriszeth: (Default)
so, to make up for the lack of post, another meme. comment on this entry and i'll--->

1. Tell you why I friended you.

2. Associate you with something - fandom, song, color, photo, word, ETC.

3. Tell you something I like about you.

4. Tell you a memory I have of you.

5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.

6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.

7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.
kriszeth: (Default)
so, anyway, this is gonna be rushed.

ask a question and i'll answer in drabble form. think you already know my fic prowess (read = lack of), but i kinda want to write something, however little. let's see how this pawns out.

wish me luck
kriszeth: (christmas on my own)

lost. in the middle of the woods no less. two children sit at the shade of an old tree whose trunk is chipping, dirtying their supposedly immaculate white uniform.

"this is all your fault," the little boy grunts, a frown in his pale face belying the pout on his pink lips. "brat"

"sorry," whimpers the little girl beside him, contrite and hiding her face into the scrapped knees she hugs to her chest tightly, feeling tiny and teary, but she will not cry, oh, no.

she just wanted to get a better look at that pretty flower and the butterfly, is not her fault the others kept walking away and if he's so mad about it, then why did he have to wait for her, she didn't ask him to DDDD:

"mom would get in trouble," a drawling voice, not in his head, but beside her, answered.

"uh?" she raised her teary-eyed face towards him.

"how do you think your parents will react when they know you got lost? they'll blame mother and stuff. that's why we shouldn't move too much, so they can find us easier. so your stunt trying to look for the cabins by climbing up the tree was silly, the foliage is too tall and hide them from view. be happy you got nothing broken, brat."

when he talks like that, it makes her feel small and stupid, isn't he supposed to be six years old too? how does he know big words like foliwhatever? and of course he'd worry about the problems she could cause his mother. his mother hates her, after all. maybe if she was alone she would have been left to die in the woods. so maybe it was a good thing he is with her, this way his mother has to look for them if she wants to see her son again.

"sorry," she repeats with a sniff and then hisses when a lock of her hair gets stuck in her still stinging knees.

a sigh. "does it hurt much?" he asks tentatively, eyes hidden beneath an a little too long fringe, fingers drawing in the dirt.

"a little," she sniffles with a pained voice, eyes misty and cheeks rosy, biting her lips.

another sigh and then he gets up. "wait here," he orders and walks away.

she scrambles to her feet but ends up falling on her butt again, a small wail leaving her lips, but that doesn't stop him and she can only watch him fade between trees and bushes. big, fat tears tracing anew the dry track left visible on her face. she doesn't know how long he's gone, face hidden once again on stinging, scrapped knees, sobs making her small body tremble and the tears just adding salt to her wounds. maybe he really left her here to die?

something cold and wet pats carefully her raw knees and she forgets to hiss when she spies his companion in lost-hood through the curtain of chunks of tangled, wet hair. "i went to the little brook we passed before. we need to clean this so they don't get infected, we don't know how long they'll take to find us."

"your shirt," is the only thing she can say. no thanks or hisses or whines.

he shrugs as if it isn't anything, as if he, the only kid she knows that is always careful with his clothes, hasn't just teared off the sleeves from his dress shirt to take care of the skinned knees of someone who he supposedly finds annoying. "there," he says, once he finishes cleaning the cuts.

she blinks at her knees, all pink and raw and clean and then a wet pinkish-brown cloth lands on her face. "wipe your face too. you look ugly, brat."

her nose scrunches up indignant and her answer is to show him her tongue, but still looks for a white patch in the cloth to rub her face and get rid of the tear tracks. "thanks," she mumbles after a while and he shrugs it off once again.

"so..." she says after a while, the sound of birds twittering and leaves rustling making her crave for something more in the still ambiance between them. "have you decided on your name yet?"

"i have a name already," he cuts disinterested, it makes an annoyed frown to appear on her face.

"i know you have a name already. i meant the name you get to choose when you turn seven, have you decided on it yet?"

"mmm..." he hums and she watches him unblinkingly. "not yet"

"eh?!" she exclaims. "but you have to give one tonight or they'll choose for you."

"mmmm..." he hums again, not really caring about it. It’s just a name, after all.

a fixed stare that comes closer and closer until she makes him cross his eyes funnily, head thrown all the way back so it goes thunk softly when it connects with the bark of the tree trying to keep a minimum space between their faces. "zaphiro" she decides, nodding to herself, a silly smile.

"what?" he asks flabbergasted, a doubtful, if not cute (and she swears to never ever say that aloud), pout that screams are you crazy? that's a stupid name, i'd never use it. "why?"

"well, you know, like your eyes" she mutters, making herself small again, trying to prepare for the rejection his expression spells, but when he opens his mouth to deliver the verdict, he's interrupted by the sudden lap-full of sobbing baby girl that throws herself at the girl with the scraped knees.

she blinks dazed, finding herself with her back in the ground and a dull ache in the back of her head, a buzz in her ears that she soon realizes are supposed to be words. "esmeralda?" she asks and suddenly a torrent of tears come flooding.

"well," a voice calls attention to the almost teenager that appears accompanied by another girl of seemingly ten years old, that busies herself trying to pry the sobbing little girls from each other to take a look at the just found girl's wounds, while a couple of adults report finding the lost children by radio. "glad to know you listen to precautionary measure when getting lost in the woods, squirt." he mocks the little boy, relieved smile turning into a smirk. "though it'd save us time and worry if you just listened when the adults say not to separate from the group and go explore on your own."

"shut up." the just found boy retorts to his older brother, sighing long-suffering and crossing his arms in a put-out manner, spying his baby sister of three years olds cuddling with the brat and not liking how the brat hogs all the attention from baby esmeralda. "not my fault."

"blaming girls is a no-no," the teenager points out, index finger poking his little bro's nose. it makes the boy scrunch it up cutely, and swap at his hand, which is why the teenager always does it, head thrown back in a laugh. "you're cute!"

"am not!" he shrieks, cheeks pink in embarrassment when the adults stare. "let's go back, i'm hungry" he mutters sullenly, following the grown ups when they begin walking.


"brother chose his name!" little esmeralda shrieks, bouncing cutely in the balls of her feet. toothy smile proud and eyes shinning. "he told me."

"really?" the bored girl mums in answer. after the initial  joviality of being found, she got scolded by esmeralda's mother. as punishment, she was to stay seated and alone at the talent demonstration, banned from participating in the event, first row so everyone could keep an eye on her. esmeralda is the first one that has spoken to her, but she just waits for some grown up to come and whisk her away, so it's no fun. she is surprised, though, when little esmeralda attempts to crawl up the chair beside hers.

"what are you doing? your mother will be mad at you if she sees you talking to me"

"is 'k" esmeralda grunts and huffs, finally able to kneel in the chair. "that way, we can stay grounded together!" she smiles accomplished, green eyes twinkling. it makes her heart go doki-doki from happiness. esmeralda looks left, then right and then cups her little porcelain hands on the ear of the older girl to whisper: "zaphiro"

and something flutters in her stomach, a smile blossoms on her face, mirroring esmeralda's. "pretty, no?" and she nods.

"brother's next" esmeralda sits properly, like her mother has teach her, and claps enthusiastically.

piano notes let themselves be heard. she doesn't know anything about music, but the melody is pretty, albeit the playing is a little clumsy, small fingers still not totally trained. she closes her eyes, humming under her breath the piece she knows at heart by know and remember afternoons spent outside the music room with esmeralda listening to endless hours of practice. soon, the melody ends and applause  resound in the open clearing where parents have come to watch their kids. she suddenly misses her parents very much.

"for you" esmeralda smiles at her friend, who blinks owlishly back. "he said: tell the brat is for her" and a pout form on her pouty lips, because she doesn't like it when her brother calls her best friend a brat. and the brat finds herself running behind the scenes without caring if she gets scolded again, esmeralda shouting for her. just her luck she gets tangled with the red curtain though.

she huffs annoyed, but stills when hearing the voice of esmeralda's oldest brother.

"so, everything ready squirt?" it asks, and for the mocking tone and the answering annoyed huff, she knows he is there too. she squirms a little more and finds the opening of the curtain so she can spy the two of them. zaphiro is glaring up at his brother, hair in disarray, most probably thanks to the teenager, who only smirks pleased, hands on hips.

"mother is waiting in the car for you." and he suddenly sobers up, expression turning grave. "are you sure you really want to go away? i don't think esmeralda'll like it"

zaphiro only nods in answer and the teenager throws his hands in the air, suddenly exasperated. "ok. well, then. let's go"

she watches their backs disappear in the shadows behind the scenes and tears spill from her eyes, not understanding why or how and she lets herself  fall on her hunches to cry, sobs unheard thanks to the pitiful attempts at talent kids display to please their parents. that is how little esmeralda finds her minutes after, tears spilling in answer to her broken-heart's ones.

"why are you crying? was brother mean to you? i'll bite him for you! but don't cry"

"he's leaving" she sobs and esmeralda's tears fall harder while her voice grows in volume and pitch not understanding.

"no, he isn't!" esmeralda cries, tugging at her to stand up so they can go and ask where her bother is. "he isn't, you're wrong, he won't leave, he promised!"

"ey, what's all this about?" the teenager reappears and esmeralda launches her small bullet body to his knees, almost knocking him down.

"she's lying!" esmeralda accuses, glaring up at him tearfully. "she says zaphiro is leaving, but she's lying! she's lying, lying! she's a liar!"

"oh, sweetheart" he kneels down as to rock her to calm his baby sister and looks at the other sobbing girl, reaching out for her too. "come here" he soothes and the six year old goes willingly.

"why is he leaving" she asks broken-hearted. "where is he going?" the hug gets a little tighter as the teenager tries to soothe them both, their cries attracting people. "why did he hate me?"

at six, i was a cry baby. i can say that now. but i still blame you for it.

there's not much i can say about our memories. i think, though, this was the first time you left me to fend by myself. you'd think i could have learned from it what to expect. there were times i understood your reasons to be away, and there were times i couldn't even fathom an explanation for them.

i've been trying to prepare for this post since december began. i can't say i'm doing a great job for it.

i could say i've moved on, but i would be lying. i still find myself writing to you as if you were to answer. i go out and keep waiting to meet you in the streets, keep looking at my reflection on glass surfaces to try and find you stalking me, waiting for the less expected moment to pass your arms over my shoulders and whisper in my ear "found ya".

ne, master, it's ok isn't it? to not forget you yet.

happy birthday, zaphiro. i love you.


kriszeth: (Default)

February 2019

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