i woke up feeling restless...

this has been long in coming, though. all this week has felt utterly sucky, beginning with the awful weather and continuing with no paying job in the horizon, a couple of family fights per day (and when i say fight i mean shouting match that lasts three to for hours average) and so on. summary: my life is truly fucked up right now. not even NMP pv could lift my spirits, that's how bad it is.

i mean i've resorted to embroidering to pass the time. finished a couple of books that had been sitting in my hard drive for a while now. been doodling a lot and the drawings are so abstractedly sad and ominously desperate.

my choice of reading didn't help much in the beginning. i mean, i chose my sister's keeper by jodi picoult. let me tell you the characters are really interesting and the constant changing in pov made them even more lively. still, fuck it but that's my life right there. the problems i live with everyday inside my family, then tension, death hanging all over the house and the stubbornness and all that horrible mix of negative feelings drowning us all. i hated the book but i couldn't detach myself from it. it was quite masochistic.

and so, yeah. my father has chronic renal failure ever since six years ago or something like that and it has been fucking hell in my house since we found out about it. my brother left college to help maintain the family business afloat so me and my younger brother could finish a career and then after i finish i lost the chance to get a couple jobs because i was always at the hospital in another city and so two years have passed and i'm still unemployed, living with my parents and failing driving classes spectacularly.

and now i don't even remember my rant anymore since mom called to say something she never did and it's quite likely she'll do it again in some minutes, so i'm cutting this here.

kon's meme

1) Other than Livejournal, what's your most-frequented website?
watch-series.com as of lately, coz i've been catching up with old american series i never finished watching. currently on angel season four, and boy hasn't that series had 360° turns every other episode.

2) If you could pick one KAT-TUN song to be the anthem of your life right now, which song would it be?
i totally went and looked up the translation for their lyrics and i'm between lost and utaitsuzukeru toki, only they're too hopeful for what i'm feeling at the moment. which you can understand if you read my broken entry before this one. idk, sometimes i don't even want to sing anymore, which is actually when i am in my darkest times, so maybe utaitsuzukeru toki, since to me, the feel of singing is pretty important to show i actually i'm fine. when i can't bring myself to sing, that's when i truly know i'm fucked.

3) Stupidest fashion trend you've ever seen?
ah~ i'm quite unfashioned, so i really wouldn't know what fashion is even if it bites me in the ass, so hopeless there love.

4) What's your favourite colour?
contrary to what my wardrobe might tell you, it's green. don let my emo choosing in clothes confuse you

5) What's one of the things that turn you off to a guy?
conceitedness without awesome treats to pull it off. i mean, sometimes men are jerks but at least they have something to back up that conceit. there are guys though that believe themselves god's unique gift to the world but are complete dumb asses than only had a good struck of luck. i see one daily and my only response to him is to ignore him and that pisses him off a lot, but i actually feel revulsion to that kind of people.