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and in my dreams, even the flowers bleed
Dec. 29th, 2008 10:51 pmwow, it's been ages since i last posted (i'm a dirty liar, when i began lj i spent a year just to put a one paragraph post. and then another year to continue)
so, um, i finished second chapter of How to let go, but been lazy to type it on the pc. i fail at life. still, i'll try and put it up before the year ends. three -almost two- days for Master's birthday. God, i miss you.
so, i've been dreaming. kind of nightmares, but mostly very weird dreams.
yesterday's dreams was about that boy. the one that reminds me of a wolf, a predator in all senses, but somehow a kind of protector too. he gives me this sense of security i can't even begin to explain. i don't really remember the dream anymore, but it left me feeling so... weird, a longish kind of feel. maybe. i kept thinking all day, i've dreamed this before (which i did, though only the first part, because it's the same dream as always. always being chased and having no way out, just trying o survive. kill or be killed. once and again) and then, like an epiphany, i was all like "it's him. it's the same as him"
i had a dream once, a while ago. about a boy that could change into a wolf. or maybe it was a wolf that could change into a boy at whim. i remember the way his eyes shone with the moonlight, hair the purest black. i remember him extending his hand towards me, his voice "i want to get to know you", he said. "everything about you, i want to know"
it was the most wonderful confession i'd ever heard and it made me giddy even awake for about a week.
and he was back in my dreams, the same predatory aura, all stony silence and a stare that pierces through you, that simply knows everything there is to know about you, past, present, future. his presence screams "Leader" and you just have to follow, because he beckons you.
still, i was there, prepared to flight at any given opportunity, afraid and weak and ashamed and his eyes told me everything his mouth did not utter. "why do you keep running away? why won't you let me hold you?" and i was hysteric, i was sobbing, i was mad. i didn't know what i was anymore, a man, a woman, a wolf and then i screamed. it was horrible and desperate, an angished cry and dozens of shadows of wolfs emanated from me, intent to hurt him, engulfing him and then i woke up...
or i remember that i woke up, but i may just be making that up, because i don't remember anymore-
so, yeah.
p.s. and the tittle of this post? another one of my dreams/nightmares, though i don't remember what that one was about anymore, only the little white flower bleeding and bleeding till dyeing into a deep red, dripping blood all over the grass
so, um, i finished second chapter of How to let go, but been lazy to type it on the pc. i fail at life. still, i'll try and put it up before the year ends. three -almost two- days for Master's birthday. God, i miss you.
so, i've been dreaming. kind of nightmares, but mostly very weird dreams.
yesterday's dreams was about that boy. the one that reminds me of a wolf, a predator in all senses, but somehow a kind of protector too. he gives me this sense of security i can't even begin to explain. i don't really remember the dream anymore, but it left me feeling so... weird, a longish kind of feel. maybe. i kept thinking all day, i've dreamed this before (which i did, though only the first part, because it's the same dream as always. always being chased and having no way out, just trying o survive. kill or be killed. once and again) and then, like an epiphany, i was all like "it's him. it's the same as him"
i had a dream once, a while ago. about a boy that could change into a wolf. or maybe it was a wolf that could change into a boy at whim. i remember the way his eyes shone with the moonlight, hair the purest black. i remember him extending his hand towards me, his voice "i want to get to know you", he said. "everything about you, i want to know"
it was the most wonderful confession i'd ever heard and it made me giddy even awake for about a week.
and he was back in my dreams, the same predatory aura, all stony silence and a stare that pierces through you, that simply knows everything there is to know about you, past, present, future. his presence screams "Leader" and you just have to follow, because he beckons you.
still, i was there, prepared to flight at any given opportunity, afraid and weak and ashamed and his eyes told me everything his mouth did not utter. "why do you keep running away? why won't you let me hold you?" and i was hysteric, i was sobbing, i was mad. i didn't know what i was anymore, a man, a woman, a wolf and then i screamed. it was horrible and desperate, an angished cry and dozens of shadows of wolfs emanated from me, intent to hurt him, engulfing him and then i woke up...
or i remember that i woke up, but i may just be making that up, because i don't remember anymore-
so, yeah.
p.s. and the tittle of this post? another one of my dreams/nightmares, though i don't remember what that one was about anymore, only the little white flower bleeding and bleeding till dyeing into a deep red, dripping blood all over the grass
