... and even now, i still tremble at the whisper of your death

so, today. today was one of those days when i wish i never got up. at all.
in religion class, we were talking about love. about how in a relashionship ypu always have to sacrifice something. things you like and time spent in other things non related with your boyfriend. i told the teacher it was not like that.
that the reason why a relashionship can work out it's not because the two pass all their time together, but because the two people have qualities on their own that can support the bond between them.
also, that there were two types of relashionships. one triangular and one square like.
that the triangular one was based on thoughts of that person (that i described as obsession), one i don't remember the name of and passion (that reminded me a little too much of lust in the way this shit described it). as i usually think outloud, i said: i've never felt like that. 
to wich i was told that i was never really in love to begin with and i got kind of mad, because, who are they to tell me i've never fallen in love?!
i think lifetime relashionship shows just how deep in love i still am was with Master, so i told them about it (not a lot, though, there is too much history to ever finish it) 
and then i told them he died. i thought i was over it, ne. because, it happened a year ago and we hadn't really seen each other in the last couples years and....
i was shaking. i had to clasp my hands to stop the shaking and my laughs only left me feeling empty and oh, god, i thought i was gonna end up crying.
....
i just. i wanted to writte about this, i suppose. because i have nothing else to say for now.
it's just. it surprised me, ne.
the shaking, it was so raw...