In which it's YamaPi's birthday and I fail

So, oficially, YamaPi's Birthday is over in his time zone, but it's just the middle of April the ninth in mine. I stil want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAMAPI, I HOPE YOU GET TO ONE HUNDRED and MEAN it with all my heart, which is kind of weird, because I don't even celebrate MY own birthday (I still celebrated Master's, though)
I thought I couldupload the first chapter of How to let go as some kind of tribute, but I fail something major, because I've been feeling like shit and just too lazy to write. Still, though and I still can't believe I'm gonna say this and MEAN IT, but what the hell!, since I discovered the date of his birth I've become really excited about it, almost the same way when I found out Master's birthday. 
(Yes, I also thnk is kind of creepy BUT I CAN'T HELP MYSELF! And I don't even want to)
I've been wondering, though, why am I so besotted to YamaPi, in particular, and all the other JE boys, in general.
I remember the first time I saw him in Nobuta wo Produce, how I thought How cute!!!!, but still could only think Kame, Kame, Kame, Kame... only it was something along the lines of Shuuji, Shuuji, Shuuji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I did not know Kame's name at that time, you see), so yeah.
I'm being really deep, aren't I?
I still wanted him to end up with Nobuta, though, because they're BEAUTIFUL together, which is why Kurosagi was a dream come true (it's just, you know, they didn't end up together there either)
I WANT SO BADLY TO SEE KUROSAGI THE MOVIE, WHY HAVEN'T I? Oh, yeah, something along the lines of not finding it uploaded in direct download and subbed and my brother being mean and don't letting me download any drama from his pc when he knows I can't download from mine
So... I totally forgot what I've been thinking to write the last hour
It's just, he really is perfect. He has all this cualities I love in a man (from what I've read,  I mean). His personality being as complex or as simple as you feel it. Sometimes, I think he's everything I've ever wanted (after Master, I mean, but he is dead now and I'm still here) and feel like I'm everything he would despise in a person and that makes me feel depressed which is stupid because I will never meet him, know him, talk to him or nothing and.... I want to. I've never ever wanted someone like this and is begining to scare me, because a person doesn't fall in love this way, this is obsession and it somehow taints it all and I feel dirty and this is getting more and more depressing, isn't it?
So maybe when I feel in better spirits I'll try to describe why I like him in this unhealty way (maybe it'll even help me to get over it which I doubt) and feel ok about it all and keep on going, learn how to let go, you know