I am so late----

[kriszeth]

first of all:

ASKAJKDUOAWHKSJK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SNOW XPRESS. SNOW EXPRESS STUDIO VERSION. OH MY TEGO, I LOVE YOU. AND I LOVE NEWS. AND I LOVE JE.

that said, and for lack of nothing better to do, i'm going to write pointless thing that have meaning to me.

things i want to watch/need to finish watching (i.e.: obviously drama. and the odd american show)

1. Ryusei no kizuna, because Ryo/Nino/Todah Erika. i know it airs until friday or something, but OMT, i hope someone subs it soon, beacuse i want to watch it asap.
2. Bara no nai hanaya, because triv mentioned it on msn and i'm quite curious. so far, i've dl 4 eps (also, triv, if you read this, are you sure the actress in this one is on Unfair? i thought Shinohara Ryoko was the protagonist and the actres on bara no nai hanaya reminds me more of the one that starred on lunch queen)
3. Unfair, because Shinohara Ryoko askjdhfi! as a detective!!!!! ... enough said
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel I NEED TO GET MY HANDS ON SEASON4/SEASON 1! I MAY BE ABLE TO DO SO THIS WEEKEND ^_________________^
5. Dark Angel, because i love Max. and Logan. and the sexual tension
6. Yoiko no mikata. i need to dl ep5 onwards. Sho is so cute!
7. Attention Please... yes, i know is not the best drama, i've read the critics, but the protagonist reminds me so much how i feel with my supposedly chosen career (i.e. not the place i belong in)... and how i wish i was thin and cute and able to pull off the image of a rock!teenager
8. Tsubasa no Oreta Tensh-tachi 1/2, but it seems nobody is interested in subbing the second season. except for the erika ep *pouts*
9. Kisarazu Cat's Eyes the Specials or movies, whatever. it was funny as hell
10. Maou. i stopped dl-ing at ep5 and watching at 3...
11. ... the one where Ryo is violent to Masami. i forgot what it was called and watched only to ep. 3. EVEN SO! i will only finish it because of Keita and Ryo.
12. ... AND I HOPE THERE IS JIN!DRAMA OR KAME!DRAMA SOON, BECAUSE I SURE MISS THEM!!!!!! *whinning*
 
things i want to read, but i'm too lazy to write myself

1. Kame/Todah Erika, NwP timeframe. or maybe Kame/Maki friendship, though this one would be after that cartoon kattun with jin all jealous. actually i want both
2. Shuuji/Mariko.
3. Kame/Yamapi/Maki NwP timeframe. i actually read one like this though only the prologue and the writer never appeared again. i'm quite sad about it since it was a wonderful piece.
4. Yuuki/Soujiro Live Action HanaYori were Yuuki has dignity, because authors like to portray her as a convenient rug put under Soujiro's feet to stomp in as he pleases. people, her name means strenght and endurance she wasn't as patethic. she was determined and constant, not a fucking... i don't remember the word, but she wasn't that patethic.
5. jin/massu, because the pairing would be hilarious. or kame/massu, with massu feeding kame and kame no knowing how to refuse. or both.
6. koyama/ueda. just because
7. THIS:
YamaPi makes a choking sound, clawing at his friend's hands to let him breath.
Kame would try and pry Jin from him, but YamaPi is trying even his patience. And he has Jin as a boyfriend, there's nothing more trying than that, except maybe YamaPi's crush on Teppei-kun.
Kame sighs forlornly and shakes Jin's shoulder to let his friend go. People are beggining to stare at them worriedly.
And YamaPi is beggining to look purple.
"What's the meaning of THAT?" YamaPi whizzes out with his first intake of air, and Kame thinks he is talking about Jin trying to throttle him, until he notices YamaPi's heated stare is on the arm Momochika-san has put around Teppei-kun's shoulders.
Jin growls, his fingers twitching and Kame sighs. Again
so this would be on the gokusen set, YamaPi appearing to "visit" his BFF, but his only purpose is to stalkspy watch his crush and getting in between akame and what hould be their alone time
it would be hilarious. AND THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT THE MORE I WANT TO READ IT
8. jun/ueda... what?
9. sho/ueda... um, really, what?
10. dragon zakura that is not porn between yamapi and the lawyer
11. Toji/Makoto from Motokare BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY LOVED THAT DRAMA, IT WAS OF MY FIRSTS AND TSUYOSHI WAS UTTERLY CUTE IN THIS. and indecisive as hell too.
12. AKAME WITH PLOT INSTEAD OF PRON, BECAUSE I MISS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.
 
things i want to write

1. obviously, "How to let go" because, wtf, ishould be introducing lovetriangles at this point and kurosagi and tsurara and askjfaslñl
me fails
2. more like, i actually want to finish this, but i'm stuck

In full Bloom

 

They are silly and dumb and the worse case of idiot-ness he has ever had the displeasure to watch.

In front of other people, they are Best Friends Forever. The kind that makes you mutter annoyed about their baka-ness, but still can't turn your longing eyes away from; the kind you wish you could have; brothers by choice, that once-in-a-lifetime kind of person with whom to share a special bond.

It's sickening, he thinks, brow furrowed in disgust, and prefers their dynamics behind doors.

Behind doors, there's stil laughteer and licht and they are still stupid, but there is also darkness, a forbidden wanting. There is lust and raw desperation and fear of rejection and he thrives on the emotions he can't partake in.

Behind doors there is sin. An abomination. Sweeter and deadlier and so much more enjoyable.

"They are in love", Ryuhei whispers in his ear even befor he asks what is it between them, his voice dry and cold and death and, above evrything else, deadly; but is also a sad whisper, soft as his companion is sometimes, empty smile on pale rose lips.

It makes Kazuya shiver, a phantom response of what was once. It'll vanish, the boogeyman promises darkly. It'll go away, so enjoy it while you still can.

Kazuya cannot wait for the last vestiges of is lost humanity to pass, because there's nothing enjoyable about weakness and human emotions are nothing but that. Sometimes, he feels himself forgetting, time spending itself into nothing and taking with it all that he was once, but the part that retains his past mortalityis confused as he watchess, arms crossed over his chest.

"They are in love", Ryuhei repeats wistful and Kazuya can almost trace the name that mouth draws in silence.

Shota-kun…

But he has never heard it aloud.

Kazuya can't understand love. He had never even felt it. He's been robbed of it, but he does not mourn its lost, not when he has gained so much more in exchange. Eternal youth, beauty, power.

It's been a while since he has become like this, but the thrill of it all doesn’t go away; the knowledge of having power over other humans where there was a time he didn't even have any control over his own life, his own body. He owes it all to Ryuhei, Kazuya knows. That hell and this hell. The sleepless nights, the constant paranoia.

Still, Kazuya can't bring himself to resent it when he has been given back such a gift. And this is a gift for him; for Ryuhei, Kazuya knows, is not so. Not anymore.

Ryuhei likes to watch them, likes to torture himself. He is this apparition of regret and melting red roses that bloom as he walks by when he regards them, like a voyeur, with interest and envy. For Kazuya this is almost-but-not-quite like the dramas he used to watch, before the hospital and the dellusions and the internment. Sometimes Kazuya has this notion that Ryuhei wishes for them to realize what should be so painfully obvious, wishes them a happy ending, hoping against hope.

Kazuya doesn't understand it. He does not care about happiness; has no need for it. He will not meet an ending and so, does not see the craveness for it in his companion's empty stare.

"You are still so young" Ryuhei confides him, almost condescending.

"Why?" Kazuya's question craks at the edges of his voice and an unpleasant sensation burst inside him as he follows the path of a drop of sweat in the beautiful arch of a back and his fingertips tingle with the desire to caress wet skin; there's a pout on his thin lips as Ryuhei hides an amused smile behind long bangs.

"We'd better be going" Ryuhei says, eyes crinkling at the corners and turns back to the shadows to do just that.

Kazuya scowls at the stiffled moans in pillows, the chant of a name whose owner will not hear through walls.

They are in love, Kazuya hears Ryuhei’s voice in his mind and wonders aloud: "Is this love?" but has no answer to it. This, whatever this is, leaves him bothered and unsatisfied as a side line observer. He does not understand how it can fulfill him.

"Fool" he chides softly, ghost-like fingers a caress in tanned skin. There's another moan as the body beneath his fingertips reaches climax.

Kazuya smiks. Slowly. Predatorily.

It was time to get a little fun.

*****

Kazuya has taken to watch him even when Ryuhei does not accompany him and the more he watches him, the more restless he becomes.

There is something about the boy that has begun to get on Kazuya's nerves. Kazuya sees something in his eyes that bothers him and it spirals from there. At first, this minor quasi-hatred (because he has feelings no more) is just a nagging annoyance and nowhere near a conscious thought. But over time, it grows and grows until it starts to come through in the way he acts around his tutor.

By the time Kame realizes what he is doing, it is too late, and he has already begun to alienate from Ryuhei. Ryuhei who stares at him blankly, long and hard and piercing, smile lost, while he warms him like a mentor.

"There are humans that are favored by divinity" Ryuhei lectures dispassionately, droning as per his duty, but not really chastising. For all his warning he receives an innocent smile.

Kazuya's eyes, though, are carefully concealed and calculating, biding his time. Ryuhei sighs inwardly, exasperated, but mostly amused. Not for nothing his charge is a fast becoming favorite in Massu's eyes.

He reckons Kazuya's new hobby will not end well, the unfolding drama will be enjoyable while it lasts, but in the end it'll, more than likely, bring them big problems. With a capital T. In the other hand, Ryuhei's nature revels in the idea and he can always blame Kazuya's recklessness.

"His name", Ryuhei shares cheerfully, reminding Kazuya of the first time he saw him "is Jin"

"Jin…" Kazuya whispers, testing the name on his lips, pleased with how it rolls out of his mouth and then asks innocently, eyes bright like a little child. "Do you think he'll let me visit?"

Oh, Massu is going to love this.

*****

In a boogey-man existence, there's no place for love, Ryuhei tells Kazuya and stops as if thinking about it himself.

Kazuya thinks it may be why he does not understand love, the reason why he does not feel it or has stopped feeling it… but Kazuya can still see it, recognize it. He sees the warmth in Jin's eyes whenever the boy looks at... Yamapi –Kazuya spats in digust to Ryuhei when he learns the name. Ryuhei laughs.

Kazuya watches the way Jin's face lits when smiling at his flat mate, how his grins are bigger and more frequent in Yamapi's presence and the way the other boy positively beams back, obliviously and equally warmth. Sometimes, Kazuya can even feel echoes of the casual affection; how Yamapi leans against Jin, hoe Jin answers to the touch wraping an arm over his mabudachi's shoulder, how they keep their heads close together when they talk, how they share secrets with their eyes and laugh in sync with each other.

He sees it and still, he doesn't understand.

In a boogey-man existence, there can only be darkness, despair and hatred, Ryuhei continues.

Kazuya thinks then that he may hate Jin; but as time passes, as he watches and waits and plots, Kazuya no longer has any idea what is it he feels. He starts to wonder then if he hates Jin a little less everytime and himself just a bit.

Kazuya decides to visit Yamapi instead.

*****

Yamapi's full name is Yamashita Tomohisa, but no one ever calls him that.

The first time he sees Kazuya, he shrieks, promptly falling off the couch. Kazuya blinks.

When the boy tries to get up, he bangs his head on the little center table and flails around the apartment, crashing into what seems like every piece of furniture there is. Kazuya doesn't know how to react.

When Yamapi calms down, one of his wrist craddled in ice to soothe the swelling, he looks considerindly at Kazuya, who waits for the usual Who are you? or Where did you come from? or at least How did you get in here?

Instead he gets an unafraid and cool Yamapi. "You're a boogey-man, aren't you?"

Kazuya blinks again and then nods, which makes Yamapi smile as if someone have given him a christmass present.

"Cool!" he states, his eyes shining with admiration, and the next time Kazuya blinks, the distance between them dissapear. "What's your name?"

Kazuya takes a step back, startled. "Ka-Kamenashi Kazuya" he stutters, baffled at the behavior of this boy. It makes him nervous.

"Kazuya, ne" Yamapi nods, frowning thoughtfully. "Kazu-chan then, is it?"

The boogey-man stiffens a little and Yamapi doesn't blame him. Nicknames, specially of the variety of cute can be sort of deadly. Even so, he pouts.

"No?" he crosses his arms over his chest, frowning dissapointedly and Kazuya has this weird urge to comfort him. Then: "What a bout Kame?" he asks enticingly, but inside he sighs dejected, because Kazu-chan sounds cuter and fits the boogey-man better.

As if reading his mind, Kazuya pales.

"Kame, Kame, are we gonna be friends now?" Yamapi asks, almost bouncing in his own place. Kazuya decides for a retreat, but not before hearing the whinning request to "Come back soon!!!!!!"

And he can plainly hear everyone of the exclamation points all the way to hell.

*****

When Ryuhei hears about it, he laughs. Calms down at intervals, but after a look at a pouting Kazuya, his laugh begins anew, as if he's picturing the scene in his head.

Kazuya growls from the corner, where he is currently sulking.

Ryuhei can't stop laughing, not even when someone kicks him from his perch and makes him fall to the floor, from where he is still laughs incontrolably, tears at his eyes.

"Why are you trying to impersonate a hyena?", the newcomer asks with an eyebrow raised.

He's a short man dressed in black and white, hat pulled over his eyes, black hair obscuring the rest of his features as it falls over his face and a smirk that gives Kazuya shivers, even when he has a physical body no more.

"Oh, Ryo-chan" Ryuhei claws at Ryo-chan's legs, mirth shinning on his eyes, trying to get up. "You just have to hear this"

Kazuya gets up in a huff and leaves.

*****

Kazuya meets Ueda when he steps over a necklace of roses on one of his walks through the pits of hell.

The scene back at Yamapi's has spread like wild-fire all over the precint and has made him the best target to pick and laugh at, so Kazuya has taken to isolate himself.

When he picks up the accesory a shiver travels through his body, like every time Nishikido appears in his vicinity and he can feel the dangerous vibe it emanates; the shadows shifts restlessly, silhouetes forming silently. Kazuya studies them until the presence he has already sensed reveals itself.

Kazuya blinks surprised at what he sees. Beautiful, he thinks and there is no other word to describe the apparition in front of him, almost too pretty to be a boy, another shade of androginy like himself.

The stranger bows his head gracefully in greeting and Kazuya answers back clumsily. "Is this yours?", he asks after a moment of silence, extending his hand and sighs relieved when the other takes the necklace from him to examine. Kazuya takes the chance to study him.

There's an ethereal quality around the boy, mysterious and suave; he dresses smart, but the acccesories he wears are bold and emo-like. His hair is a wondrous auburn and the style, though it suits him, adds to the girlish image. His most standing feature are his full lips, glistening in the dark like a beacon.

"It is not mine" he says softly, his voice pleasant and Kazuya dreads having to take it back, but the stranger pockets it, making him blink. "But I know the owner"

Kazuya nods and takes the hand he had extended back. Both stare at each other consideringly, almost probingly.

"Ueda Tatsuya", the stranger says.

"Kamenashi Kazuya", he answers.

Ueda nods as if he is just confirming something he already knew. "I'm going out. Would you like to come?"

Kazuya is not sure why the other invites him, does not understand the alluring call in the other's eyes. Mostly, he does not know the reason why he wants to follow.

"Yes" he whispers and Ueda quirks a half-smile.

Kazuya meets Ueda when he steps over a necklace of roses on one of his walks through the pits of hell, but it's only after he meets Gackt that he begins calling him Tat-chan.

this spawned after i read a fic from konliza about kame as a boogeyman. i loved it, btw

3. ryo/shige with a side akame. so far, i only have this:

Ryo has a system.

Choose them, chase them, fuck them, toss them.

So far, it's been foolproof and satisfying, no complications, no awkwardness the morning after. Mainly because he does not choose people he interacts with on an –almost- daily basis (he's not Jin), but damn if the way Kato looks lately doesn't make it look worth it.

4. the ryo/shige i promised triv. i'm stuck at page 3. even so, here's an excerpt:

Ryo bows deeply, both hands shaking at his sides, one of them holding an old green notebook, the other portraying white knuckles. He has to remind himself to breath, it's not as if he didn't know it'll come to this. He has been preparing himself for this all this time, it's not like is something new, it has been long in coming and Ryo is prepared for it, damnit!

If sensei notices this he does not show it and so the young man takes his leave silently.

The halls are deserted at this hour, but he's an idol, a Johnny, and so, he has VIP treatment. That and he doesn't really care about other patients to go out of his way and bother them (mainly beacuse he does not want other patiens to bother him).

The staff at the nurse station send pitying glances his way as he passes them and he purses his lips on a tight line, the usual smirk he sends back lost from his face.

It's not their fault, of course, but right here, right now, he is just itching to blame anybody for anything and his sight is not blurring, damnit, damnit, DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!

You can't keep going on like this, you know? Pi's voice sounds in his mind and he stops himself, forces his fingers to flex so blood flows and he knows. Ryo knows, more than anyone else, that he can't keep going on like this; that he can't keep doing this to himself... and to Shige.

"AAAAAAAAARGH!" Ryo's scream echoes in every tiny dark corner of the wing, swallowing the sound of his fist colliding painfully with the blank wall of the hallway and leaving angry red marks when it slides downward and, finally, Ryo breaks down, sobs raking his body as he weeps for the memories lost.

The notebook lies open, forgotten by his side, precise strokes in kanji that writes Wagahai wa Shige de aru.

5. a remix of this lovely lovely lovely akame fic where jin is a tooth fairy  *.*


wow, this is longer than i expected. has anyone read it all?

Comments

[trivialaffair.livejournal.com]

lakfladkmfalkdfmadlskfm!!!!!!!!!!!!

no wonder you wanted me to see this! CANNOT WAIT FOR FINISHED PRODUCTS!

YOU. YOU BETTER WRITE LOTS AND LOTS WHILE I'M GONE. ALDFMALDKFMALDKFMALDKFMALDKFM.

[kriszeth.livejournal.com]

hahahahaha

i'm quite busy trying to organize my fails, but i'll try, ok? I'M NOT PROMISING ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M BLOCKED AGAIN ADN ASKLKJDF I CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT RYUSEI NO KIZUNA I WANT TO WATCH IT NOW, BUT ONLY RAW VIDS ARE UP!!!!!

[trivialaffair.livejournal.com]

files=fails hahaahahahahahahahahahaha

[kriszeth.livejournal.com]

D:

i meant to say files, but fails covers it better