kriszeth: (christmas on my own)

lost. in the middle of the woods no less. two children sit at the shade of an old tree whose trunk is chipping, dirtying their supposedly immaculate white uniform.

"this is all your fault," the little boy grunts, a frown in his pale face belying the pout on his pink lips. "brat"

"sorry," whimpers the little girl beside him, contrite and hiding her face into the scrapped knees she hugs to her chest tightly, feeling tiny and teary, but she will not cry, oh, no.

she just wanted to get a better look at that pretty flower and the butterfly, is not her fault the others kept walking away and if he's so mad about it, then why did he have to wait for her, she didn't ask him to DDDD:

"mom would get in trouble," a drawling voice, not in his head, but beside her, answered.

"uh?" she raised her teary-eyed face towards him.

"how do you think your parents will react when they know you got lost? they'll blame mother and stuff. that's why we shouldn't move too much, so they can find us easier. so your stunt trying to look for the cabins by climbing up the tree was silly, the foliage is too tall and hide them from view. be happy you got nothing broken, brat."

when he talks like that, it makes her feel small and stupid, isn't he supposed to be six years old too? how does he know big words like foliwhatever? and of course he'd worry about the problems she could cause his mother. his mother hates her, after all. maybe if she was alone she would have been left to die in the woods. so maybe it was a good thing he is with her, this way his mother has to look for them if she wants to see her son again.

"sorry," she repeats with a sniff and then hisses when a lock of her hair gets stuck in her still stinging knees.

a sigh. "does it hurt much?" he asks tentatively, eyes hidden beneath an a little too long fringe, fingers drawing in the dirt.

"a little," she sniffles with a pained voice, eyes misty and cheeks rosy, biting her lips.

another sigh and then he gets up. "wait here," he orders and walks away.

she scrambles to her feet but ends up falling on her butt again, a small wail leaving her lips, but that doesn't stop him and she can only watch him fade between trees and bushes. big, fat tears tracing anew the dry track left visible on her face. she doesn't know how long he's gone, face hidden once again on stinging, scrapped knees, sobs making her small body tremble and the tears just adding salt to her wounds. maybe he really left her here to die?

something cold and wet pats carefully her raw knees and she forgets to hiss when she spies his companion in lost-hood through the curtain of chunks of tangled, wet hair. "i went to the little brook we passed before. we need to clean this so they don't get infected, we don't know how long they'll take to find us."

"your shirt," is the only thing she can say. no thanks or hisses or whines.

he shrugs as if it isn't anything, as if he, the only kid she knows that is always careful with his clothes, hasn't just teared off the sleeves from his dress shirt to take care of the skinned knees of someone who he supposedly finds annoying. "there," he says, once he finishes cleaning the cuts.

she blinks at her knees, all pink and raw and clean and then a wet pinkish-brown cloth lands on her face. "wipe your face too. you look ugly, brat."

her nose scrunches up indignant and her answer is to show him her tongue, but still looks for a white patch in the cloth to rub her face and get rid of the tear tracks. "thanks," she mumbles after a while and he shrugs it off once again.

"so..." she says after a while, the sound of birds twittering and leaves rustling making her crave for something more in the still ambiance between them. "have you decided on your name yet?"

"i have a name already," he cuts disinterested, it makes an annoyed frown to appear on her face.

"i know you have a name already. i meant the name you get to choose when you turn seven, have you decided on it yet?"

"mmm..." he hums and she watches him unblinkingly. "not yet"

"eh?!" she exclaims. "but you have to give one tonight or they'll choose for you."

"mmmm..." he hums again, not really caring about it. It’s just a name, after all.

a fixed stare that comes closer and closer until she makes him cross his eyes funnily, head thrown all the way back so it goes thunk softly when it connects with the bark of the tree trying to keep a minimum space between their faces. "zaphiro" she decides, nodding to herself, a silly smile.

"what?" he asks flabbergasted, a doubtful, if not cute (and she swears to never ever say that aloud), pout that screams are you crazy? that's a stupid name, i'd never use it. "why?"

"well, you know, like your eyes" she mutters, making herself small again, trying to prepare for the rejection his expression spells, but when he opens his mouth to deliver the verdict, he's interrupted by the sudden lap-full of sobbing baby girl that throws herself at the girl with the scraped knees.

she blinks dazed, finding herself with her back in the ground and a dull ache in the back of her head, a buzz in her ears that she soon realizes are supposed to be words. "esmeralda?" she asks and suddenly a torrent of tears come flooding.

"well," a voice calls attention to the almost teenager that appears accompanied by another girl of seemingly ten years old, that busies herself trying to pry the sobbing little girls from each other to take a look at the just found girl's wounds, while a couple of adults report finding the lost children by radio. "glad to know you listen to precautionary measure when getting lost in the woods, squirt." he mocks the little boy, relieved smile turning into a smirk. "though it'd save us time and worry if you just listened when the adults say not to separate from the group and go explore on your own."

"shut up." the just found boy retorts to his older brother, sighing long-suffering and crossing his arms in a put-out manner, spying his baby sister of three years olds cuddling with the brat and not liking how the brat hogs all the attention from baby esmeralda. "not my fault."

"blaming girls is a no-no," the teenager points out, index finger poking his little bro's nose. it makes the boy scrunch it up cutely, and swap at his hand, which is why the teenager always does it, head thrown back in a laugh. "you're cute!"

"am not!" he shrieks, cheeks pink in embarrassment when the adults stare. "let's go back, i'm hungry" he mutters sullenly, following the grown ups when they begin walking.

~*~


"brother chose his name!" little esmeralda shrieks, bouncing cutely in the balls of her feet. toothy smile proud and eyes shinning. "he told me."

"really?" the bored girl mums in answer. after the initial  joviality of being found, she got scolded by esmeralda's mother. as punishment, she was to stay seated and alone at the talent demonstration, banned from participating in the event, first row so everyone could keep an eye on her. esmeralda is the first one that has spoken to her, but she just waits for some grown up to come and whisk her away, so it's no fun. she is surprised, though, when little esmeralda attempts to crawl up the chair beside hers.

"what are you doing? your mother will be mad at you if she sees you talking to me"

"is 'k" esmeralda grunts and huffs, finally able to kneel in the chair. "that way, we can stay grounded together!" she smiles accomplished, green eyes twinkling. it makes her heart go doki-doki from happiness. esmeralda looks left, then right and then cups her little porcelain hands on the ear of the older girl to whisper: "zaphiro"

and something flutters in her stomach, a smile blossoms on her face, mirroring esmeralda's. "pretty, no?" and she nods.

"brother's next" esmeralda sits properly, like her mother has teach her, and claps enthusiastically.

piano notes let themselves be heard. she doesn't know anything about music, but the melody is pretty, albeit the playing is a little clumsy, small fingers still not totally trained. she closes her eyes, humming under her breath the piece she knows at heart by know and remember afternoons spent outside the music room with esmeralda listening to endless hours of practice. soon, the melody ends and applause  resound in the open clearing where parents have come to watch their kids. she suddenly misses her parents very much.

"for you" esmeralda smiles at her friend, who blinks owlishly back. "he said: tell the brat is for her" and a pout form on her pouty lips, because she doesn't like it when her brother calls her best friend a brat. and the brat finds herself running behind the scenes without caring if she gets scolded again, esmeralda shouting for her. just her luck she gets tangled with the red curtain though.

she huffs annoyed, but stills when hearing the voice of esmeralda's oldest brother.

"so, everything ready squirt?" it asks, and for the mocking tone and the answering annoyed huff, she knows he is there too. she squirms a little more and finds the opening of the curtain so she can spy the two of them. zaphiro is glaring up at his brother, hair in disarray, most probably thanks to the teenager, who only smirks pleased, hands on hips.

"mother is waiting in the car for you." and he suddenly sobers up, expression turning grave. "are you sure you really want to go away? i don't think esmeralda'll like it"

zaphiro only nods in answer and the teenager throws his hands in the air, suddenly exasperated. "ok. well, then. let's go"

she watches their backs disappear in the shadows behind the scenes and tears spill from her eyes, not understanding why or how and she lets herself  fall on her hunches to cry, sobs unheard thanks to the pitiful attempts at talent kids display to please their parents. that is how little esmeralda finds her minutes after, tears spilling in answer to her broken-heart's ones.

"why are you crying? was brother mean to you? i'll bite him for you! but don't cry"

"he's leaving" she sobs and esmeralda's tears fall harder while her voice grows in volume and pitch not understanding.

"no, he isn't!" esmeralda cries, tugging at her to stand up so they can go and ask where her bother is. "he isn't, you're wrong, he won't leave, he promised!"

"ey, what's all this about?" the teenager reappears and esmeralda launches her small bullet body to his knees, almost knocking him down.

"she's lying!" esmeralda accuses, glaring up at him tearfully. "she says zaphiro is leaving, but she's lying! she's lying, lying! she's a liar!"

"oh, sweetheart" he kneels down as to rock her to calm his baby sister and looks at the other sobbing girl, reaching out for her too. "come here" he soothes and the six year old goes willingly.

"why is he leaving" she asks broken-hearted. "where is he going?" the hug gets a little tighter as the teenager tries to soothe them both, their cries attracting people. "why did he hate me?"









at six, i was a cry baby. i can say that now. but i still blame you for it.

there's not much i can say about our memories. i think, though, this was the first time you left me to fend by myself. you'd think i could have learned from it what to expect. there were times i understood your reasons to be away, and there were times i couldn't even fathom an explanation for them.

i've been trying to prepare for this post since december began. i can't say i'm doing a great job for it.

i could say i've moved on, but i would be lying. i still find myself writing to you as if you were to answer. i go out and keep waiting to meet you in the streets, keep looking at my reflection on glass surfaces to try and find you stalking me, waiting for the less expected moment to pass your arms over my shoulders and whisper in my ear "found ya".

ne, master, it's ok isn't it? to not forget you yet.

happy birthday, zaphiro. i love you.

kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
 
there's something to say about birthdays


 
they tend to be such a lonely affair
 



the past



there were once two girls. they were twins and were beautiful.
 
they loved each other so very, very much. so much that i thought i could never fit with them
they had everything they would ever need in each other and the world was theirs to charm.

i'm sure they've accomplished already, wherever they are

somehow, though, we became inseparable. or at least i thought it to be so. once.
now i wonder if you remember i exist anymore.
 

i wonder if the next time i open my eyes, there'll be someone else apart from myself staring back at me


the present
 

to crystal:

for always having been my surge of strength, for always picking me up as i fell, for not caring about what people would say when you hugged me and i hugged you back, for being there for me, for understanding me, for a lot of things i have no head to think about right now... thank you.

you know, i think i forewent friendship by love when i had both, thinking the only thing i'd ever need to keep going was to be by his side. having neither love nor friendship now has made me realize that the reason why i could treasure love was because you were there too.

more than my friend or my sister or my heart, you are the treasure i wish i could have once again.

wherever you are, please guide me along to find it
 

to jen, jenny, jennipher:


 
 
for always listening, for always indulging me when not even nee-san did it, for scolding me, for letting me cry, for letting me fall and wallow in misery when i needed it, for letting me hug you and for hugging me (and i must say that your hugs are the bestest of the best there are in the whole universe) and crying with me, for saying i was interesting and thinking of me as your precious little girl... i love you.

i'm aware i never said it enough, i was a brat. still am. i remember your smile, your laugh, your elegance, your tears, your inner strenght, your scarinnes, your love for you husband and son, your faith and your fortitude.

i can't say enough i love you's to make up for all the times i never did it before, though i know you knew.

i hope we fin each other again. i promise the first thing i'll say it's how much i love you.
here's a minute sign of it ♥

i hope wherever you are, it may reach you
 


today it's your birthday. even though we haven't known each other all our lives, i can't image how it'll be to live without you in my heart.
happy 26










the future
in all is bleakness



i have a dream, of the three of us, dancing and laughing and skipping along.
i have a wish of waking up with you on each side, like before

 




because, i don't want to walk alone anymore

please, come back to me
 
 
 



sorry for the lack of lj-cut. i fucked up somewhere and now i can't do it, ugh.
none of the pic are mine. i googled them, so if anyone'd like to be credited, please tell me
kriszeth: (Default)
so after my spectacular fail at getting a job once again, mom decided to put me to paint brother's room and today everything hurts. so i'm charging brother with a couple of bermudas and a couple of cargo pant and maybe some t-shirts, muahahaha!

anyway, i  woke up at 9 again ::sigh::

in my defense, i was dead tired for painting and cleaning and moving furniture... i also managed to fall asleep at 1. about dreaming, i don't remember anymore, but it somehow felt important. i wonder what did i dreamt...

so in a couple of weeks i'll go to the D.F., i hope cindy will be up for some window shopping, because going only to process the cédula is no fun. though i'm not looking too much forward for a six hour trip on bus. also, i need to look for my junior high certificate. would still be in the other house? i didn't find it in this one. i need to take a trip over there! preferably when is daylight since i thinks there 's no electricity over there. i miss my old house!

ok, enough whining, see ya!
kriszeth: (Default)

so i read the what-i-may-or-may-not-hate-about-you rants of [livejournal.com profile] cynicalism and [livejournal.com profile] calledinvain from their lj's the other day and since then i have this urge to say how sorry i am, beacuse even if they do not read the entries in my lj, i seem to be everything they really dislike in a person.
so, yeah.
anyway, i saw this pic today:


at first i thought "Koki, what happened to you?" and somehow kept coming back to the pic everytime i refreshed my flist page. and somehow i thought that it looked like Domyouji Tsukasa, not the liveaction, but the manga version. of course i love Matsujun as Tsukasa come to life, but it does looks alike ain't it? especially with the expression. and the crooked smile and the perm. even the damn eyebros look alike
in other news, i got Koyama as my first option in this test . lol *me is amused*
So my HAPPY romance partner is: B - KOYAMA KEICHIIRO ♥
since You’re seeking a partner you can be friends with, the most important requirement being that you can have enjoyable conversation. If you follow along with Kei-chan, whose characteristic talking power rises during a date, you won’t have any unsatisfactory thought of him right? The date course is recommended to be Kei-chan’s favourite health spa. With a mellow feeling, can you feel the loo~se sort of good atmosphere of it? Lets overlook that he’s somewhat of an idiot, which is the fashionable thing right now.
this is quite amusing to me, since from all the NEWS i thought i'd be compatible with, i would never in a million years think Koyama as the one.
even so, what it says up IS there totally, one hundred percet true. i think your partner should be your best friend and a enjoyable company.
the second time around i made the test, i got Tegoshi, which is also hilarious since the description of the kind of relationship we could have is everything i would hate in a relashionship. i think i'll stick with Keii-chan then.
and now i remember some other tests i did quite some time ago, like the one about What CLAMP charactrer was i alike. i got Sakurazukamori Seishirou (was that his name?), the cold killer who looks nice, polite, and seemmingly caring and warm, but could care less about things like cute fuzzy animals, flowers and people around him. once, one of them told me that it was amused about the perspective people had of me, since i was contrary to what everyone else thought i was. then she came to my home, entered my room and said something like you're pretty normal. i think i'm dissapointed which made me wonder what kind of concept did it have of me, but no matter how many times i asked, it would not tell me. oh, well.
also, went to the IFE. the lawyer told me there may be a chance i can get a job there by january next year. it would be temporal though (ten to eleven months)... i will have to study everything about Derecho Electoral though and it's not even certain i'd get the job *sighs*
i also received a mail back from the tribunal in celaya. they told me what requirements where there to get a job, but regretably there was no oppenings to get a job at the moment... even now, i'm still wondering why they would tell me the requirements to apply for a job there then.
which takes me back to my last msg chat with esther and her last words. maybe next time you can give me goos news. in reference to get a job... or a boyfriend, as if nothing else was important. it made feel as if i had no values if i don' have one of those things. ammoyed me too.
oh, well
nighty night


p.s. i keep forgetting the tags i have and have to open another tab just to see in what category my entries should be in. trying to be organized and all that
*looks around at the complete disaster/mess state her room is*
i wonder how people can get like a bazillion tags and stil know which one to use...or do they make new tags along the way and never use them anymore?
p.s.2 all this talk about tags made me remember how my last entry was the shortest i've ever written but still got two new tags all by itself. it amuses me even now. lol
p.s.3 i will stop adding to this before the p.s.' get longer that my actual entry, i promise


.....
i lied
XP
kriszeth: (Default)
So, I tend to come back to this story quite a lot. Once I began reading it, I can't stop myself.
So, I'm re-posting this again in my quest at journal edition
Last time though I didn't say anything about this piece. The en of  "The meaning of a smile" with double angst to top it.
To Black Star, may you all find the happiness you gave me with your presence.

Nameless )

 

kriszeth: (Default)

Lately, ne, I've been reading Shige's essays in Myojo. I must say "Wow!", because is always refreshing and touching and just plain awesome how he can write all THAT from only one word. Mostly because he does not try to give out lessons and advice, but because he's giving you inkling into his life, how he thinks and how he feels. It's clearly enjoyable how his words link into this amazing piece of reading material from what seem simple prompts.

And so, here's my failed attempt into this kinda writing, although mine WILL be 1 000 times more depresing. God, I need to see kurosagi, definitely, when is it gonna be subbed again? Is someone even gonna sub it? Anybody?

 

 

 

Camera )
kriszeth: (Default)
You know, looking back everything that has been my life is such an uninteresting, insignificant, useless thing.
All that was supposed to matter now is just a past thing, it doesn't matter anymore, it's useless.
School has never been difficult to me, it's just been my lazyness which has made my grades deep into the "average" categorie.
My friends classmates have been people that are in the same oplace at the same time in a particular moment.
The things that one day were all to me are now ashes and faded memories, a dream...
I'm a shadow of what was left of me once upon a time, wich was not much to begin with.
I feel like I'm suspended in time, waiting still for something though now I don't have wishes (well, maybe meet Gackt Camui, but I don't think that'll ever  happen)
ah, gotta go, I'll continue later

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kriszeth

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