kriszeth: (akira down)
BUT THAT MOMENT IS TOO MUCH FAR AWAY AND I WANT A FUCKING HIATUS OUTTA LIFE. LIKE NOW. PRETTY PLEASE send me to japan to study japanese for six months, is all i ask, in fact, i won't ask for anything else for the rest of my life if i can do this-

so just when i though life was getting better someone tells me "I don't need a lawyer, I just need a secretary. Here, I'll let you watch the office and if after a year you're still here, I'll rent you one of the offices above mine and let you work as a lawyer. For now, I can pay you the equivalent to 40 US dollars per week for nine hours a day, six days a week. It's a chance, grab it"

so i have been listening to LANDS' BANDAGE on repeat. 42 times played and counting. still not feeling all that much cheered up. also i can't help but keep expecting Taylor Dayne to sing "Tell it to my heart, tell me I'm the only one, Is this really love or just a game?" IDK DON'T ASK ME WHY.

has no relation with anything i've said above, but here, have a pretty pic of the excedingly handsome man that is really excidently handsome and i don't flail enough about him in here




have nothing else to say, so i'll go to sulk away now









P.S [profile] puffie_hanchan PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT HAVING BEEN LEAVING COMMENTS ON YOUR NEW FIC, BUT I ALWAYS END UP READING IT FIVE MINUTES BEFORE I HAVE TO GO TO MY INTERNSHIP IN THE MORNING, BUT ILOVEIT,PLEASEDON'TSTOPWRITING,THANKSFORSHARING. /breaths again



kriszeth: (Default)
i kinda suck at being an lj friend, but you knew that already. so, late happy bithday to [livejournal.com profile] ceathair . hope it was an awesome day for you.

in the topic of birthdays, today's [livejournal.com profile] hilaryscribbles birthday, so happy birthday to you too ::claps enthusiastically::. we haven't talked much, but the little we have commented on each other has been fun. and, ey! i've managed to greet you on your actual birthday! :)

so, um, update.

what's gone wrong this week:

monday. i got stomach sick thanks to a late dinner consisting on three tacos,
tuesday. i fell on the bathroom and now sport a fading bruise in my foot that hurts everytime i put on my shoes.
wednesday. some idiot gave permission to have a fucking grupero dance that gave into 3 fucking in the morning of the next day. i wanted to kill someone for it (in fact, still want to), since i was just getting my internal clock into proper sleep hours.
thursday. the headache from hell.
friday. my eyes itch and are tired as hell. too many hours online and lack of sleep-
also, not into any particular day, but i didn't get a call from the bank so i guess i didn't get that job. so now i have two options left: a. take any job available whatever the pay and/or kind of job. this way, i won't have any experience on my field, but i'll get money, however little it'd be. b. beg for an internship and not receive any pay whatsoever but get work experience for at least two years.

what's gone passable this week:
sadly, this excerpt will be only filled with fandom centered  things.
1. jin's awesome naked pics. the first time i saw them, i was "... hot". the second time i saw them i was "... i kinda what to see his front". and then i read some entry's comments about how jin fans were all 'i don't like jin anymore because he did naked photos with someone that is not me' (or so it sounded) and i was between "don't i wish i had that body so jin could choose me to pose nude<s>above</s> with him?" and "... fuck. i hate it when i get overly aware of how i don't have the sculptural body of a model" and then "... what are these girls on? not liking jin anymore just because of this? how old are they?" so i decided to be all "...  :| " about it. i'm still gonna download the hq version either way.
i also found this awesome post with awesome naked. i loled at yamapi's naked pics. a lot. oh, the awkward.
2. i'm downloading kamen rider den-o. and enjoying it. a lot. i'm not sure if this is good or bad, so let's got with :| again.
3. been rekindling myself with my old fandoms, since akame has been slow and far in between, like yuffentine and edxwinry. it's been two years since i kinda abandoned them, so a lot of the old school writers (2006-ish) finally finished those long, long, looooong fics with awesome characterization i gushed about. which is the reason why my eyes itch and are sunken and kinda red.

p.s. i haven't written anything for je-hols. actually, i'm in such a depression that i'm actually wondering if i should just give up already



kriszeth: (akira down)
or not even school made me feel like this, all hollow and tired of living. but that's not here not there.

ah~ i haven't answered properly to the f-list. sorry guys, i've felt shitty since i've come back from the hospitals, so my comments sound kinda soulless. today i began commenting again, but it still lacks something, idk what.

things to do:

1. find a job
2. write something for jehols
3. comment on the f-list
4. sleep

i'll do the sleeping thing after i add some links. like this fabulous interview. kattun, i don't know how many times i've said it, but please, don't you ever change. ever.

and as always, only to keep track of it, a link to the newest entry of [livejournal.com profile] punkroxta. because pretty art is pretty. and i like the third and last ones the best. though jin babbling is pretty too.

and speaking of photos, this:


jin's face, why does it look like he's gonna cry? i know, the weirdest things get to me. credits to... idk, i took this one from akameaday or however that comm is called. my coherence, pretty much non-existent at the moment

and as i'm sharing things i don't have the remote idea where i got from, here, a pretty kame gift:


have i ever told you how much i love kame on this pv? his childish wonderment and the underlying sadness and just everything. i remember watching it the first time and trying to guess who was who and keep thinking, 'something's wrong here. they feel like incomplete. who's that one again?' and then finding out jin was not there in the first place. ah~ don't you feel all </3 when watching it every time? as if something is missing. well, of course something's missing, jin was on la. but the first time i watched it i didn't know jin was missing, i didn't even know who was who at the time, but how still something still felt amiss. ah~ i'm rambling.

speaking of akame, does anyone know where can i find a fic i saw on some comment fic entry, where kame and jin study magic in hogwarts or some castle/school teaching magic and jin jinxes kame into saying the great magnificent somethingsomething jin instead of his name and kame is all grrr, you'll pay for this and then sex ensues with kame being an all out S? dunno why, but really want to reread that one.

been wondering if i should add [livejournal.com profile] gothicauthor as a friend. i've read some of her entries and doesn't she read awesome? but mostly cool. but i don't know if she'll add me back. i don't even know if i can ask her to add me in the first place. and in the topic of adding friends, when did [profile] camui_eiri locked her lj? mou~ all the pretty fic in her lj that i can't read anymore T______T

also thinking about writing down that pretty nigthmare about the white wolf. just, you know, to keep it somewhere as a reminder of, idk, my childish fears? because you know i'm the kind of person to reread her own entries innumerable times, just because.

totally unrelated, but even though my stomach feels kind full, i want to eat a hamburger, i blame cartoon kattun 122 with all the gian hamburgers and giant curry plates and giant noddles. random lj ads with hamburgers do not help

good night flist- sleep tight?

kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
but i still feel all screwed up from the hospital. and i wasn't the one being operated on, but i had to sleep on a car for three days without taking a bath or changing my clothes. at least i had my pillows with me.

i hate hospitals. well, i've never been admitted into one, but i don't see much point into getting treatment for chronic illnesses. when i think like this, "ah~ i'm probably a horrible person, aren't i?" but being the one taking care of patients is as worse or maybe a little more than being ill. an illness can break or make a person, but those around him, how should they act?

if my father wants so much to live, why have i never found the point of it? living really is tiring.

am i a bad person?

listening to mother talk of all the things father did when they were younger, i fell, "ah~ certainly, if he wasn't my father i would hate him. for sure"

i don't want to ever get married, or a boyfriend. most of the time, i don't really want friends either, but then there are those bouts of loneliness i have to bear with. "it was my own decision" i think at those times "i shouldn't begrudge them then" and i get drunk on internet.

"would i ever be free? i don't want to have to take care of some else for the rest of my life" i sya, but sometimes, don't i wish to be with someone too? i'm a hypocrite

will time really erase all this feeling. do i want it to? can i ever be happy? would i ever get away from all these? will i regret levaing mom alone?

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