kriszeth: (Default)
ok, guys, this has been bugging me ALL.FUCKING.WEEK. AND I NEED OPINIONS ON THE TOPIC.


really guys, i kid you not, i haven't been able to get it outta my mind. and i somehow can't conform only with a"yes or no", i feel the need for reasons and meta and explanations and maybe even pics, idk. convince me (not that it would take a lot), but there's this feeling in me that wants words. lots of words about your own experience as akame fans.

past the idea, what makes you think about possibilities? do you even think there even are possibilities? if you think "kriszeth, you're delusional, they are only friends. if that"

i NEED to know. need something solid or as solid as fans' thoughts can solidify.

maybe i'm asking too much, and i don't get a lot of comments in neither of my entries, but this time i beg for comments. i want to know your thoughts on this matter, so i hope you click on the post a comment thingie and tell me what do you think/feel/believe and here is the tricky part: I ALSO WANT THE WHYS!
also, sorry for sounding so desperate, but really, this is the way my mind works, i hope you can indulge me

kriszeth: (Default)
as i ask this from myself, there's people isolated in Philippines. idk if there are people on my flist that live there apart from [ profile] fionnakreuz  and [ profile] koneho, though in kon's case is only her family. still, girls, i hope everything is ok with you two and those you hold dear, sorry for having being unable to comment on your ljs, i've been having a shitty week myself, only not in storm-like proportions, but shitty non the less.

so, to download or to not download? buzzer beat's bloopers are compelling me to just download the drama and get it over with, but my hd is full and watching online kills the bandwidth and i'm still trying to get back all the music i lost last year. there's so many things to download and not enough time/hd space/decent download speed/what-not. so,  opinions? is it worth it?

i finally caved and begged for an internship that would not count as an internship since i won't get a recommendation letter from the institution in itself, but i can get a recommendation letter from those who'll be my inmediate superior(s). maybe. so hello internship, goodbye lousy job that won't get me work experience in my field. i begin monday and finish in december. i'll be money-less for another three months if not more, but i'd given the first step into the uncertain. or something. i kinda hate myself for it.

like, i have this old classmate who studied the same as me, at the same time, tough in the capital and she's even got new car of the year and argh. i feel pathetic and like i'll never amount to anything. my life, such fail. i don't even want to talk to her since everything she talks to me about is how much she enjoys her work and all the awesome and interesting courses she's taking and all the cool things she has money to spend in and then she asks me what have i been doing and it's hard to look her in the eye and tell her i'm still looking for a job and see her do all of this disappointed/belittling faces  (or so the feel and look like), almost like a sneer and i feel so incredibly tiny and insecure and ashamed and i think i want to cry so...

so, i'll go sulk away. good night

kriszeth: (akira down)
or not even school made me feel like this, all hollow and tired of living. but that's not here not there.

ah~ i haven't answered properly to the f-list. sorry guys, i've felt shitty since i've come back from the hospitals, so my comments sound kinda soulless. today i began commenting again, but it still lacks something, idk what.

things to do:

1. find a job
2. write something for jehols
3. comment on the f-list
4. sleep

i'll do the sleeping thing after i add some links. like this fabulous interview. kattun, i don't know how many times i've said it, but please, don't you ever change. ever.

and as always, only to keep track of it, a link to the newest entry of [ profile] punkroxta. because pretty art is pretty. and i like the third and last ones the best. though jin babbling is pretty too.

and speaking of photos, this:

jin's face, why does it look like he's gonna cry? i know, the weirdest things get to me. credits to... idk, i took this one from akameaday or however that comm is called. my coherence, pretty much non-existent at the moment

and as i'm sharing things i don't have the remote idea where i got from, here, a pretty kame gift:

have i ever told you how much i love kame on this pv? his childish wonderment and the underlying sadness and just everything. i remember watching it the first time and trying to guess who was who and keep thinking, 'something's wrong here. they feel like incomplete. who's that one again?' and then finding out jin was not there in the first place. ah~ don't you feel all </3 when watching it every time? as if something is missing. well, of course something's missing, jin was on la. but the first time i watched it i didn't know jin was missing, i didn't even know who was who at the time, but how still something still felt amiss. ah~ i'm rambling.

speaking of akame, does anyone know where can i find a fic i saw on some comment fic entry, where kame and jin study magic in hogwarts or some castle/school teaching magic and jin jinxes kame into saying the great magnificent somethingsomething jin instead of his name and kame is all grrr, you'll pay for this and then sex ensues with kame being an all out S? dunno why, but really want to reread that one.

been wondering if i should add [ profile] gothicauthor as a friend. i've read some of her entries and doesn't she read awesome? but mostly cool. but i don't know if she'll add me back. i don't even know if i can ask her to add me in the first place. and in the topic of adding friends, when did [profile] camui_eiri locked her lj? mou~ all the pretty fic in her lj that i can't read anymore T______T

also thinking about writing down that pretty nigthmare about the white wolf. just, you know, to keep it somewhere as a reminder of, idk, my childish fears? because you know i'm the kind of person to reread her own entries innumerable times, just because.

totally unrelated, but even though my stomach feels kind full, i want to eat a hamburger, i blame cartoon kattun 122 with all the gian hamburgers and giant curry plates and giant noddles. random lj ads with hamburgers do not help

good night flist- sleep tight?

kriszeth: (Default)
so, um, [ profile] je_holiday is on bussiness. and i kinda want to participate, but, i wonder if i can write something for it. like, i can write dramafic, akame, nishikato, maybe ryoda, news and kattun gen, maybe guest appearances by arashi if pressed, but is that enough? i mean, i want to get a fic written for me, but i don't know if i can deliver something good.

so, to those who have already participated, how is it? when the mods mail the assigments, how do you decide what to write? do you get prompts?

kriszeth: (Default)
so remember that exam i was gonna take to  join the SRE? well, i went to aguascalientes on a three day trip to take it. i'm almost positive i wont make it into the second round, but well, there's always next year, isn't it? and i need to begin looking for a job now. a real one, i mean, no more unattainable dreams or whatever.

i dread tomorrow.

so, what have i been doing in this fine day? apart from breaking faucets and getting all wet. not much really. usual stuff. fangirling for akame (thank you thank you thank you cartoon kattun producer i love you thank you), planning to watch my newly acquired season 5 of buffy the vampire slayer, cleaned my room, washed clothes, tried to write (totally sucked at it), been dl-ing a buch of movies i'll probably end up watching next month or something, read this, and this, and this, and oh, this.

i sound totally exanimate, which is kinda weird since i truly wanted to write something in here. only that once the window openec my words sound so, idk, disheartened. ::sighs::

oh, well, i'll try again tomorrow

kriszeth: (Default)

so, in my second day of early determination... i woke up at 9. i totally failed. i have no resolution. mostly because i fell asleep at 12:30 watching voice and waiting for dl to finish. sometimes, i really wonder why do i hate myself so much, because, you know, i feel like shit the next day.

i've never drunk alcohol, but as people describe the hang over, it sure feels like that when i wake up late after i've been depriving myself of sleep. god, i feel like shit. i think my splitting headaches every morning are the reason why i'll never drink, though that wine drama makes me crave for, you know, wine. kame, if i end up a drunkard it'll be all your fault, seriously.

anyway, dreaming. i dreamt i was a cat. or could convert into a cat. i also dream i was on a plane and broke the doors when i was trying to seal them close, only that i only broke them. not even in my dreams i do things right, it seems. and then i kept thinking, wait, is't the plane supposed to fall since the air coming in from the opened doors would affect the balance or air presure or something? but still, we reached the place we were going, which was a kind of youth hostel  where i was gonna live with other four people. so, the caretaker was an old man with perpetual bad mood and told us not to get out the room after 7.

so, like a little good girl i was arranging the curtains (which surprise, surprise, were the broken plane doors) only that it was too windy and the curtains  kept sliding off so i went out the window for them and found a supposedly friend of mine that i've never seen in my life before, only that the caretaker heard us talking and thought one of the youngers that came in we're breaking rules (and we were) so he began chasing us and i kept hearing this voice giving me advice and directions, telling me to go up the yellow stairs, not the red ones to reach my room, to take a left, to slide down. it was kind of a laberynth all in yellow and i got to my room just when the door was opening. the old man said something like, oh, you're here and then went out.

and i also got out again. by the window, where my supposed friend was waiting for me with two boys to go out and i kept giggling and singing softly as we walked. or, in my case, danced. the two boys kept bickering behind me (about, i think, hair styles and fashion) as i skipped off, i found money in the floor (just some coins. wait, does that mean i'll get the job i applied for?) and continued in my merry way drunken with the memory of a voice i heard that saved me from being lectured.

it was only when i woke up that i noticed the boys were pi and jin and the voice was kame's (who, i think, in my dream i was going to meet wherever i was going, only that i woke up before i could. that's he drepessing part)

so, yeah, wish me luck at getting the job? today they tell me

edit: i didn't get the job


Oct. 25th, 2008 10:44 pm
kriszeth: (Default)
yappari, i should stop watching dramas ne, because, now i want shouta/youko fic from attention please AND I'M ALMOST SURE THERE ISN'T ANY ON THE NET!


does anyone know where can i find some?

*grabby hands*
kriszeth: (Default)
Book meme

* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

"Anyone who resists must be knocked on the head; anyone who stays in bed must be put to sleep forever. Dead men tell no tales."

And here is my part of the meme, because i do not want to  be knocked on the head:

 Aquél era en realidad el acertijo, y si su respuesta era correcta podrían escapar del castillo, dejar para siempre aquel limbo para volver nuevamente a sus puestos y obligaciones en las Guerras Terapéuticas con la deuda saldada.
Pasos sobre cristal by Iain Banks
well, it's been years since i read this book. is in spanish since i only own one book on english that a friend gave me this year and i just finished and do not want to ever see again. ever.
i'm not ashamed to say that i skipped lots of pages and all the smut just to finish the damn book. why esther thought i'd like the story of a serial killer is still a mistery and i'm not inclined to ask about it, thank you.
also, do someone from my flist really likes alice brennan (the author of the book i read)? if so, mind telling me if her writing is popular or something? i'd like to ask why people would buy her books
kriszeth: (Default)

so lately, i've been doing quizzes reccomended by je fans. the new one is this

You Scored as Ninomiya Kazunari

You're most compatible with Nino! You understand that everything has a facade and a core - and you don't get hung up by taking everything at face value. Nino seems to prefer someone who doesn't want to dramatically change his life, sees the real deal, and still wants to stay - with him, you get a complex realist. Results based on a 2006 translated interview about ideal marriages - therefore, you may want to take everything with a grain of salt. ;)


Ninomiya Kazunari
Ohno Satoshi
Aiba Masaki
Matsumoto Jun
Sakurai Sho

it always amazes me how i get the boys i like the less from the band boys i worship like.
*sighs*and this probes to be an inconsequential entry since i don't have anything else to do.
kriszeth: (Default)

so i read the what-i-may-or-may-not-hate-about-you rants of [ profile] cynicalism and [ profile] calledinvain from their lj's the other day and since then i have this urge to say how sorry i am, beacuse even if they do not read the entries in my lj, i seem to be everything they really dislike in a person.
so, yeah.
anyway, i saw this pic today:

at first i thought "Koki, what happened to you?" and somehow kept coming back to the pic everytime i refreshed my flist page. and somehow i thought that it looked like Domyouji Tsukasa, not the liveaction, but the manga version. of course i love Matsujun as Tsukasa come to life, but it does looks alike ain't it? especially with the expression. and the crooked smile and the perm. even the damn eyebros look alike
in other news, i got Koyama as my first option in this test . lol *me is amused*
So my HAPPY romance partner is: B - KOYAMA KEICHIIRO ♥
since You’re seeking a partner you can be friends with, the most important requirement being that you can have enjoyable conversation. If you follow along with Kei-chan, whose characteristic talking power rises during a date, you won’t have any unsatisfactory thought of him right? The date course is recommended to be Kei-chan’s favourite health spa. With a mellow feeling, can you feel the loo~se sort of good atmosphere of it? Lets overlook that he’s somewhat of an idiot, which is the fashionable thing right now.
this is quite amusing to me, since from all the NEWS i thought i'd be compatible with, i would never in a million years think Koyama as the one.
even so, what it says up IS there totally, one hundred percet true. i think your partner should be your best friend and a enjoyable company.
the second time around i made the test, i got Tegoshi, which is also hilarious since the description of the kind of relationship we could have is everything i would hate in a relashionship. i think i'll stick with Keii-chan then.
and now i remember some other tests i did quite some time ago, like the one about What CLAMP charactrer was i alike. i got Sakurazukamori Seishirou (was that his name?), the cold killer who looks nice, polite, and seemmingly caring and warm, but could care less about things like cute fuzzy animals, flowers and people around him. once, one of them told me that it was amused about the perspective people had of me, since i was contrary to what everyone else thought i was. then she came to my home, entered my room and said something like you're pretty normal. i think i'm dissapointed which made me wonder what kind of concept did it have of me, but no matter how many times i asked, it would not tell me. oh, well.
also, went to the IFE. the lawyer told me there may be a chance i can get a job there by january next year. it would be temporal though (ten to eleven months)... i will have to study everything about Derecho Electoral though and it's not even certain i'd get the job *sighs*
i also received a mail back from the tribunal in celaya. they told me what requirements where there to get a job, but regretably there was no oppenings to get a job at the moment... even now, i'm still wondering why they would tell me the requirements to apply for a job there then.
which takes me back to my last msg chat with esther and her last words. maybe next time you can give me goos news. in reference to get a job... or a boyfriend, as if nothing else was important. it made feel as if i had no values if i don' have one of those things. ammoyed me too.
oh, well
nighty night

p.s. i keep forgetting the tags i have and have to open another tab just to see in what category my entries should be in. trying to be organized and all that
*looks around at the complete disaster/mess state her room is*
i wonder how people can get like a bazillion tags and stil know which one to use...or do they make new tags along the way and never use them anymore?
p.s.2 all this talk about tags made me remember how my last entry was the shortest i've ever written but still got two new tags all by itself. it amuses me even now. lol
p.s.3 i will stop adding to this before the p.s.' get longer that my actual entry, i promise

i lied
kriszeth: (Default)


So, why can´t anybody see it?


Out there, there are only two to three fanfics of this pairing. I've never really noticed, because I was more iinmersed in Nobuta/Akira, but now that I'm trying to write a NwP fic for myself, I've noticed there is such a lack of this pairing.

Mostly beacuse everybody thinks it won't work out, well, let me tell you it so totally would work out, because Mariko was the only one Shuuji promised to come back to and show her he could be a better person. Not even Noobuta got a promise like that. Hell, even when Shuuji and Akira parted ways on the intersection, Shuuji himself said they said good bye as if they were gonna see each other next day on school and how glad he was for that kind of farewell.
Shuuji only kind-of promised Marilo "The next time I see you, I plan to be a better person"
Only to Mariko, so there!


In other news, mousapelli added me so i could read her nanowrimo... i wonder what is it about. She's one of the authors that have made me read Pin and like it; or at least make me think it so would work out in that way. Which I can't, for the life of me, see happen. When I think Jin I think Kame attached to him at the hip in that way. I can even accept akamepi, but Pin alone is a no-no with me.

Her Kame by the way is beautiful and bitter and I love him.

Also, I wonder if she would ever write akame. I'd like to read that in her style. I've just read akame as fuckbuddies in her fics, and then Jin going back to Yamapi beacuse they're BBF and they love each other and I feel kind of bad for the akame history (I tend to wonder where it got wrong for Kame to be so bitter about it and letting Jin go to Pi)

So yeah, sorry for the rant


And I will write Falling in and out of love and Behind the scenes, once I get around it just so I can read a Shuuji/Mariko fanfic NO MATTER IF NOBODY REVIEWS IT!

kriszeth: (Default)
So, yesterday I went with my parents to Leon. I was gonna buy shoes, but I ended up not buying anything as always, even when i spent hours perusing shops.
Have I ever told you I hate going shopping? 
But that's not the point. The point is, when I was ridding the bus (at rush hour, too. Everyone was going to school/wrok/nowhere) and there was this young man.
Do you remenber Koki in Real Face time? Well, I was two meters away from the mexican version of Koki!!!
They looked so alike, even at the plucked eyebrows, his nose, his lips, his build, the bouzu style.EVERYTHING! I kept wondering if I could get away with asking him if he knew by any chance about KAT-TUN. God, I wanted so much to take a photo with my cell, but Mom was beside me and that would be just awkward. 
Though I still acted like a freak and kept sneaking peeks at him with a surely creepy smile on my face (do you know the word subtle? I can't say I did at that moment)
Aaaaaah! Now I just keep thinking, "If I only could meet the mexican version of Kame or Jin or Yamapi" but I'm not much hopeful about it. I still wish it, though.
But that would be awkward, ne. Imagine him asking me "So what atracted you to me?" and I answering along the lines of "Well, you really look like one of the japanese boys I tend to fangirl about" and him being somethng like "... What?" 
... Yeah.
I almost-but-not-quite met the look alike of Tanaka Koki. I wonder if he has a friend that looks like Kame or Maru and is all guei with him. That'd be awesome.
In other things, and in the topic of gueiness, I read this old entry in kattunlove about akame rabu.
All fangirls that commented go along the lines of "They're not gay and I wouldnt want them to be gay, but OMGthefanservice, the slash the porn"
There's something I believe too. I don't think there is only friendship love (I should know, I've been over the same boat). the body language, the awkwardness, the ignoring-on-purpose, the sneaking glances and just everything akame, I think. Sometimes I'm watching some kattun clip an there's something so deep, so pure and raw and it HURTS to feel it and not knowing or, worst, that they don't know it.
I've never though about it all on the grounds of "soulmates" but it somehow fits. 
Also, getting worked up for people I won't ever meet is creeping me out, so I'll stop.
kriszeth: (Default)
so, today. today was one of those days when i wish i never got up. at all.
in religion class, we were talking about love. about how in a relashionship ypu always have to sacrifice something. things you like and time spent in other things non related with your boyfriend. i told the teacher it was not like that.
that the reason why a relashionship can work out it's not because the two pass all their time together, but because the two people have qualities on their own that can support the bond between them.
also, that there were two types of relashionships. one triangular and one square like.
that the triangular one was based on thoughts of that person (that i described as obsession), one i don't remember the name of and passion (that reminded me a little too much of lust in the way this shit described it). as i usually think outloud, i said: i've never felt like that. 
to wich i was told that i was never really in love to begin with and i got kind of mad, because, who are they to tell me i've never fallen in love?!
i think lifetime relashionship shows just how deep in love i still am was with Master, so i told them about it (not a lot, though, there is too much history to ever finish it) 
and then i told them he died. i thought i was over it, ne. because, it happened a year ago and we hadn't really seen each other in the last couples years and....
i was shaking. i had to clasp my hands to stop the shaking and my laughs only left me feeling empty and oh, god, i thought i was gonna end up crying.
i just. i wanted to writte about this, i suppose. because i have nothing else to say for now.
it's just. it surprised me, ne.
the shaking, it was so raw...
kriszeth: (Default)

I hate it when he sits in front of me.

Hate it.

Just hate it.

Because I remember you and. You. Are. Not. HERE! But I still am and I still miss you. I still love you and dream about you and-and-and…

Every time I see his back I remember you.


I hate it that he wears formal shirts…

When I close my eyes, I see that formal black formal shirt you used to wear and I almost can feel the silk beneath my fingers as I hold onto you and I tremble with –out you- the need of you.

With this longing of pressing my forehead between your shoulder blades once again, your breathing evening out as your scent filled my senses with the fragrance of you and my throat aches with the whisper of your name…



I hate it when he sits in front of me, wearing formal shirts because they remind me I can't hold onto them –onto you…- anymore.

It's almost vivid, the way I could feel your words more than I could hear them, the soft undertone of your voice asking "What's the matter?" and, most of all, that it mattered to you.

The way you tilted your head back to hear me, giving me all your attention; the book slipping from your fingers and ending up being forgotten.

How you never tried to see my face all those times, because you just knew I was breaking.


I'm still breaking, you know. It's just that there's nobody here to hold onto; there's no one here to not-see me falling apart…

There's no one here that can be you for me.

There's no you…

… and I wonder if, in here, there's still a me.


So, wherever you are, God bless you.

I still love you and I always will…


I just hate it, hate it when he sits in front of me wearing formal shirts…

… because I still remember you.

kriszeth: (Default)

There are many ways of how to expres how you feel.
It's not always the most undestandable, but the most honest.
It's raining and I think it's a day so beautiful because of it, that I can't do anything but feel soothed, calm... happy.

When it's cold, I feel lonely and when I think about pink I know something wrong or not pleasing to my eyes. 
I've wondered if people has this kind of analogies (is the correct word to use?)

Anyway, I don't know, maybe I feel happy only because I read two chapters of 'Missing by a mile' before coming to school and thought Heero's an asshole and poor, poor Relena but this is so fucking funny and I've discovered that I like using the word fuck to accentuate some things. I don't live in a place where is a bad thing to say even if here is still a bad word, but I like the sound of it.

Yeah, yeah. I know I'm weird, but you must bear it. You're my diary after all.

I'm still wondering if I should up-load my stories in here. There's not much people to read them (Well, infinitesimi and tealeaves)
I'm beggining to think as a I write, though, is that a good or a bad thing?

You know, I think I can't write, eventhough yesterday I advanced one to two pages in some of my stories.

Ne, ne, I've been thinking...
I'm doing this a diary of what I read. Which would be good, but as I don't have interenet in my house, is difficult to keep track of the tittles I do read if it's not novel lenght and then only when I do really love it.

But I love much too easily when the character is funny, or complicated or is only being himself... or when the author have a wonderful plot with all the right amount of drama, or fun, or romance and... 

This is a BIG parenthesis non-related with what I was talking:
(Mou, I want the OVA of Gravitation.
eventhough if I do forget his real name.
-Mite, mite. I did it again.  This love bussiness is complicated-)

I think my stories doesn't have plot bunnies, but are a bunch of mushy stuff.
I'd envy the way some wirtters can do it, and for that I love them... some of them... well, their writtings, because you can't love someone you don't really know... 
Isn't it?
Anyway I should be paying attention to my teacher but I HATE him. Well, not hate, because I've never really hated someone, but he's a pin in the neck and causes my headaches. So I won't pay attention, it's not as if I'm gonna use this in my life. I'm studying to be a lawyer, Im not gonna need to know about what-was-his-name-again and what he said.... Well, maybe for the exam, but that's what memory is for.

Do I sound like a little girl? 

But then, I scare people when I act all serious and moody and stuff. Maybe because I do want to scare them with what I say.
-Crack an evil laugh-


I should cut this one, so 

Ja ne!

kriszeth: (Default)
I read an entry about the FMA movie, The conqueror of Shamballa and I think I'm going to cry.
It was a pretty one even if it didn't touch the Winry/Ed relationship that I so adore.
Also, you know, it got to me until yesterday that Master hasn't told me anything about my performance in school, wich I may add it's pathetic, and that some how hurts, because when he doesn't say anything it means he's dissapointed in me, and...
Do I still have to wonder why I relate myself with words such as shame and doubt?
There's something to say about it, isn't it?
But in reality, it's not as if he's here to tell me or not tell me anything.
I wanted...
I don't know.
I just don't know.
It's not as if I don't know that he has reasons not to be with me, he must have pretty good reasons...
At least I hope so and I think I'm going crazy and FUCKING God, please somebody help me......................................................

This is like throwing ashes to the wind, you know.
Nobody notices, nobody wonders, nobody cares.
And this is why I did this in first place.
But somerimes I wish somebody could answer.
I've faded away for so long, drifting to nowhere....

I need you, whomever you may be.
I wonder if someday we'll meet each other.
I just can hope, can't I?
But it's somehow so difficult, Master.
I wish you were here, and that is the main problem.
I can only wish...

Today it's not raining.


kriszeth: (Default)

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