kriszeth: (Default)
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 nee-san, kame, master, fic, akame


.... kame, jin, music, kattun, dorama, dreams, wish i could write like that, wolfboy, wolves, stress, i need to clean my room, kame, jin, tiredtired, kame, kame in drag, kame smiling, kame talking, kame shy, kame, kame, kame, why do je boys are prettier than me?, love on kame, i need a new compu, i don't have money, kame exists, jin, jin is a baka, why are there so little akame fics lately?, kame and jin in some tv show, new single/album yay! \o/, have to wake up early, stop procrastinating, music, kame, i love this song, nightmares are cool.... sometimes, jin is such a dork, jfiojwejañfeiofahopfejisdvkjsdjsdopewf so pretty! *___________*, i miss akame, everybody do the d-motion~, ooooooh, shiny!, akame is hot, kame is hotter, i really really really want to go to japan, i need a better job, i miss master, zaphiro no baka!, and master said: shop their heads off!.... ok, it didn't go like that, news, arashi, yamapi walks funny, twitter is fun, jin jin jin jin, i need to lear all the names of my flist, like really XP, why jennipher, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? T__________T, kame i love thee! life is hard... dakara happy?, why so difficult, yo? i need more koki-zen teachings, love on the flist, kame so cute, why can i keysmash like the cool kids? akame is as awesum fandom, delusion is a mastery,hands get weak and knees give out,  gackt's voice makes me go kyaa!, i love hyde's voice, i need more l'arc en ciel in my life, i need to fix my hd, i miss all my music, downloading~, la lala lalalala~, kamerars unite!, kame is pretty, i cried and set aside for a bitch that lied, bff ftw, seiya where are thou?, lj why so boring tonight?.....

ok, those were more than five recurring thoughts, kame would have so many tags and the index would be full of smileys and sparkles, but i blame je for that. mnid sharing the tags in your mind?
kriszeth: (Default)
i dreamt of nee-san
kriszeth: (Default)

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

• You must tell 6 people about this game.
kame is the one that you love.
jin is one you like but can't work out.
• You care most about crystal.
jen is the one who knows you very well.
seiya is your lucky star.
kizuna is the song that matches with kame.
utai tsuzukeru toki is the song for jin.
tears of snow is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
• and float is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz




i have no idea how this all freakingly fitting, but fuck, i got all tingly and just, idk, maybe if i wish enough for her to come to me she'll hear my call? i'm crazy, ok, but if only she was here, if only i could be with her again the world might make sense, idk, please, just, god, bring her back, giver her back to me i miss her, please

ps. tomorrow i'll be totally embarrased, but for now,i want to wish, i want to have hope, i just want nee-san back, is that too muc to ask for?

kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
 
there's something to say about birthdays


 
they tend to be such a lonely affair
 



the past



there were once two girls. they were twins and were beautiful.
 
they loved each other so very, very much. so much that i thought i could never fit with them
they had everything they would ever need in each other and the world was theirs to charm.

i'm sure they've accomplished already, wherever they are

somehow, though, we became inseparable. or at least i thought it to be so. once.
now i wonder if you remember i exist anymore.
 

i wonder if the next time i open my eyes, there'll be someone else apart from myself staring back at me


the present
 

to crystal:

for always having been my surge of strength, for always picking me up as i fell, for not caring about what people would say when you hugged me and i hugged you back, for being there for me, for understanding me, for a lot of things i have no head to think about right now... thank you.

you know, i think i forewent friendship by love when i had both, thinking the only thing i'd ever need to keep going was to be by his side. having neither love nor friendship now has made me realize that the reason why i could treasure love was because you were there too.

more than my friend or my sister or my heart, you are the treasure i wish i could have once again.

wherever you are, please guide me along to find it
 

to jen, jenny, jennipher:


 
 
for always listening, for always indulging me when not even nee-san did it, for scolding me, for letting me cry, for letting me fall and wallow in misery when i needed it, for letting me hug you and for hugging me (and i must say that your hugs are the bestest of the best there are in the whole universe) and crying with me, for saying i was interesting and thinking of me as your precious little girl... i love you.

i'm aware i never said it enough, i was a brat. still am. i remember your smile, your laugh, your elegance, your tears, your inner strenght, your scarinnes, your love for you husband and son, your faith and your fortitude.

i can't say enough i love you's to make up for all the times i never did it before, though i know you knew.

i hope we fin each other again. i promise the first thing i'll say it's how much i love you.
here's a minute sign of it ♥

i hope wherever you are, it may reach you
 


today it's your birthday. even though we haven't known each other all our lives, i can't image how it'll be to live without you in my heart.
happy 26










the future
in all is bleakness



i have a dream, of the three of us, dancing and laughing and skipping along.
i have a wish of waking up with you on each side, like before

 




because, i don't want to walk alone anymore

please, come back to me
 
 
 



sorry for the lack of lj-cut. i fucked up somewhere and now i can't do it, ugh.
none of the pic are mine. i googled them, so if anyone'd like to be credited, please tell me
kriszeth: (Default)
i've been wondering, lately, why is it that everytime a date i want to celebrate ends with me in tears. 

i was going to post this at 12, but i'm too sleepy and tired and don't know if i'll last until then.

i guess, what i wanted to say was happy birthday, kamenashi kazuya. you are 23 now in your time zone and in some minutes we'll share half a day of your birth date. this is the third time i wish happy birthday to someone i'll never meet, but i just want to take a page out from all the fangirls out there and shout out :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAME! MAY YOU LIVE A LONG AND PROSPEROUS LIFE, MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE AND ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD BE YOURS.


(i really need to learn how to put sparkles to the next)

as i type, i'm crying, which is what i have been doing at intervals since six in the evening. stupid, i know. sometimes i wonder myself since when did i become so weak. ah~ i thought i was stronger, but with  the pass of time i've become weaker and weaker... and then, i see you, working so hard and can only admire from far away. not only about physical distance but also in another level, though i'm not sure which would it be.

nah, kazuya, how can you still smile? real or fake, being able to smile, sometimes i wonder if i can keep on doing it. i have no control left, not even over my own life.  i'm so tired.

.
.
.
.
.

somehow, this entry turned out being about me and not about you. i'm sorry.

seventeen minutes to go till midnight, ah, i'll be the middle of the day in japan by that time, ne? i hope your day keeps getting better and that you'll get lots of presents...

aaaah! i shouldn't have been watching i litre of tears in my emotional state! i suck at giving congratulation even when that person  it's not there to receive them. i want nee-san to come and save me. and i want some ryo-erika fic. yeah, totally random.

i thought there'll be more fics of kame. somehow, there weren't much. or as much as i hoped. i know i'm being unfair, since it's been months of my last update. m(_ _)m

uh, i think i just screwed the ep06 file of 1LoT. mooouu~ yes, i'm making time till midnight. i kind of suck at it, too. so, even when time zones overlap, i'll bee sleeping. or maybe i'm getting it wrong and in japan the it's already the 24th's halfday ? ah, i've forgotten everything about my geography class in junior high.

it's 12:00 already! so i'll celebrate your birthday sleeping while you keep up the idol life. seriously though, happy 23, kame. thank you for existing

kriszeth: (Default)
So, I tend to come back to this story quite a lot. Once I began reading it, I can't stop myself.
So, I'm re-posting this again in my quest at journal edition
Last time though I didn't say anything about this piece. The en of  "The meaning of a smile" with double angst to top it.
To Black Star, may you all find the happiness you gave me with your presence.

Nameless )

 

kriszeth: (Default)
Today is Master's birthday.
He'd be 22 if he were alive.
People all over the world celebrate this date as a new beggining, another chance. I can only think Today is Master's birthday... and he is not here.
I can just stay here and  think Master would be twenty two.
I can just let this day pass as any other, because I don't care if this is the last day of the year, I can only think I was never the first one to congratulate Master in his birthday. I always tried to be last one to say it, because I wanted to ask 'Was it happy? This day... Did I make you smile? Did you like my present? Were you happy... with me?'
... )

...
Mom asked me What are your intentions for this new year?
I answered Where's the point in having intentions, when you know you're not gonna do them?
...
Sometimes I wonder What would Master want for me? He'd want me to keep going and to find love again and to be happy and get a job I'd enjoy and face the world saying You will not defeat me and work hard to get all the things I may wish for, to reach out and hold onto the things I'd work for. To accept things as they are and go from there.
Master'd want me to think Ah. Today was great. I'm glad I'm alive.
But all I can think of is If Master were here, then there'd be a possibility to say and do and be all those things.
...
I can't keep going like this, ne? But this is the only way I know how to keep going.
Because even if I wish thing were different, a person who doesn't change for herself, has no right to be regretful

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