kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
so lately, all my dreams seem to have some things in common:

a. old houses/castles with a bazillion stone stairs that end up nowhere up up and far away with lots of undergrowth and bushes and tress surrounding me. AND I HAVE TO GO UP THEM, DAMNIT

b. the magistrate giving me MORE WORK

c. horses

somehow, i miss the zombie nightmares :\
kriszeth: (Default)
ok, guys, this has been bugging me ALL.FUCKING.WEEK. AND I NEED OPINIONS ON THE TOPIC.

GUYS, DO YOU THINK KAME AND JIN HAVE HAD SEX IN REAL LIFE?????????!!!!!!

really guys, i kid you not, i haven't been able to get it outta my mind. and i somehow can't conform only with a"yes or no", i feel the need for reasons and meta and explanations and maybe even pics, idk. convince me (not that it would take a lot), but there's this feeling in me that wants words. lots of words about your own experience as akame fans.

past the idea, what makes you think about possibilities? do you even think there even are possibilities? if you think "kriszeth, you're delusional, they are only friends. if that"

i NEED to know. need something solid or as solid as fans' thoughts can solidify.

maybe i'm asking too much, and i don't get a lot of comments in neither of my entries, but this time i beg for comments. i want to know your thoughts on this matter, so i hope you click on the post a comment thingie and tell me what do you think/feel/believe and here is the tricky part: I ALSO WANT THE WHYS!
also, sorry for sounding so desperate, but really, this is the way my mind works, i hope you can indulge me

THOUGH IF YOU DON'T BEWARE OF THE SPAM I'LL CREATE XP I AM THAT NEEDY OF ANSWERS AND THOUGHTS
kriszeth: (Default)
this has been long in coming, though. all this week has felt utterly sucky, beginning with the awful weather and continuing with no paying job in the horizon, a couple of family fights per day (and when i say fight i mean shouting match that lasts three to for hours average) and so on. summary: my life is truly fucked up right now. not even NMP pv could lift my spirits, that's how bad it is.

i mean i've resorted to embroidering to pass the time. finished a couple of books that had been sitting in my hard drive for a while now. been doodling a lot and the drawings are so abstractedly sad and ominously desperate.

my choice of reading didn't help much in the beginning. i mean, i chose my sister's keeper by jodi picoult. let me tell you the characters are really interesting and the constant changing in pov made them even more lively. still, fuck it but that's my life right there. the problems i live with everyday inside my family, then tension, death hanging all over the house and the stubbornness and all that horrible mix of negative feelings drowning us all. i hated the book but i couldn't detach myself from it. it was quite masochistic.

and so, yeah. my father has chronic renal failure ever since six years ago or something like that and it has been fucking hell in my house since we found out about it. my brother left college to help maintain the family business afloat so me and my younger brother could finish a career and then after i finish i lost the chance to get a couple jobs because i was always at the hospital in another city and so two years have passed and i'm still unemployed, living with my parents and failing driving classes spectacularly.

and now i don't even remember my rant anymore since mom called to say something she never did and it's quite likely she'll do it again in some minutes, so i'm cutting this here.

wishes

Mar. 20th, 2010 08:31 pm
kriszeth: (feel the sea breeze)
i want to try this again

it's been a long time since i've kept a journal. and i'm not talking about flimsy, uneven and fangirl post on computer. to be quite honest to my self, i wrote more and better when i kept a journal. i still have the unfinished notebook somewhere in the mess i call my room.

i stopped doing it at the time because i got frustrated about how all i wrote about was oh, please let me die already. or how much i've missed zaphiro, nee-san, seiya, dymi, sirent, leo, lenny,  jen, jenny, jennipher and I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I'M GONNA HURT SO DEEP YOU'LL NEVER FILL IN THE VOID I'LL CARVE INTO YOUR SOUL, I HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU, JUST YOU WAIT I'LL GET MY REVENGE. I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER SO MUCH YOU'LL WISH TO BE DEAD BUT I'LL LET YOU LIVE. LIVE AND CRY IN HOPELESSNESS LIKE HOW YOU'VE LEFT ME.

even in this space i tend to mention them, but imagine every entry talking about the hopelessness and uncertainty about the future. the bleakness of tomorrow when i just discovered death had robbed of my most precious loves. i hated myself. hated the person that imprinted into paper feelings so dark and despairing in lively colors. i wanted to forget, but i could only remember.

even now, i'm not past those feelings. sometimes i want to sit and cry until i've run out of tears. but then, there are those little excerpts full of beautifully tinted heartbreak. and even when it hurts, i get a little proud. did i really just wrote that?

i want to get that back. the feeling of being able to express myself. i want that back.

also, appropriate song is appropriate




also, happy birthday, sato takeru.
kriszeth: (feel the sea breeze)
 so i got back my computer, after like two months. i'm so utterly happy =D

this year has been busy crazy, i wake up at 8, get to the internship at 9, get out at 3, com home, eat, go out again, be it to INAEBA or the high school, get home at 7 if i'm lucky and if not at ten, rinse, sleep, repeat. i don't wanna prepare classes for tomorrow T_________T

the internship is kinda cool, but waking up early is a bitch.

INAEBA work is a hassle, because the office is a fucking mess at the moment. my manager has changed four times in the last month and today i got shocked because they told me i would get assigned to new communities so all my non-paid work for the last two months can go fuck itself. yes, i'm mad about this and monday i'm gonna bitch about it to the coordinator. 

the highschool work is kinda ok, kinda not. so, i kinda know english, i'm good at grammar, my pronunciation still sucks, but i'm getting better (internet how you save me so ♥) but i understand what i'm talking about. even so, the academic teacher, who's in charge of the subject is worse than me and he's supposed to have a degree to back him up, but i can't say anything since he's been teaching there for like seven years, but having to apply to the students the exams he makes is a pain the ass, since you know, his grammar sucks. even plain old me didn't get half the exams. i wonder if i should be worried for my work since i have like a hundred students and only the third passed, and i'm not talking about flying colors either ::sighs:: though all of them told me from the beginning they didn't like english, so maybe it's just that they're blocking themselves from learning.- and let's face it, students are really conniving and procrastinators (been there done that), but it's ridiculous how they keep telling me i should teach them like the old teacher. can you all be more childish? hat's plain stupid, they almost literally told me "i don't learn because you don't teach me like my old teacher. also, you don't have leader skills, so that's why i don't pay you any attention nor do i take you seriously"

leaving that aside and talking about enjoyable things, OMFG KATTUN NEW SINGLE (yes i know i'm hopelessly late to the party, but i don't care) LKASJDOIAJWQOEDKASMNCLASI. I LOVE EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF THE D-MOTION, OVERUSED AUTOTUNE AND ALL, I LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH. also, aishiteru kara, aishiteru kara, kame kame kame kame kame have i told you how much I FUCKING LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND JUST EVERYTHING, YOU MADE ME CREEPY FOR AN IDOL, THAT WAS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE IN MY BOOKS BEFORE I KNEW YOU EXISTED, PLEASE DON'T EVER CHANGER. NEVER EVER. and i'm totally behind on yamanade, but i love love love love it to pieces, (though i don't get the opening, but who cares, kame adorably clueless and dense and CROSS DRESSING, if that's NOT HOT i don't know what is, i loved him in his seifuku. i might have realized i even have a thing for kame in girl seifuku, just ♥♥♥♥♥♥.

Kanjani's Christmas single it's also pure love. i love Ryo, but that's for another post.

as i've been outta lj for the last month and i might have bypassed lotsa things on my super fast peruse of the flist, i'll ask to kind souls to please send me links of awesome downloadable things. specially yamanade. and jin's concert rips would be awesome too, i know they're out there somewhere, but i can't get to them DDD=

to A.RA.SHE XP happy belated birthday, and if this weekend i have time to breathe i'll scrunch up something for you. if not, at least let's chat. i miss you lots and lots. for real face.

to kon-awesome-is-my-surname, let's see how long it takes me then to send you the gift i picked up. i still need to send it for engraving ToT and polishing.

to cookie, just wondering if you send that card or if it was you i asked for a christmas card, cos it hasn't arrived and it seems like an awful lot of time since christmas. if you weren't able to send it, it's alright, just wanted to know if i should stop hoping.

god, i missed akame, what's going on with them?

also also also also, last but not least let me fangirl like the creepy stalker that i am BECAUSE [livejournal.com profile] flamesword ADDED ME, ME, ME, WITHOUT ANY PROMPTING FROM MY SIDE, JUST WANTED TO SAY HOPE I DON'T BORE YOU TO TEARS AND WE CAN BE AWESOME KAMERARS TOGETHER, BECAUSE ALL KAME FANS SHOULD STAY UNITED. LIKE AKAME!♥

peace and out. have fun going out while i prepare classes for tomorrow 


 

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