kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
so lately, all my dreams seem to have some things in common:

a. old houses/castles with a bazillion stone stairs that end up nowhere up up and far away with lots of undergrowth and bushes and tress surrounding me. AND I HAVE TO GO UP THEM, DAMNIT

b. the magistrate giving me MORE WORK

c. horses

somehow, i miss the zombie nightmares :\
kriszeth: (be still my heart)
well, if you took it to mind already let me tell i suck at following my own decisions, so i'm posting now because OIAJSDOIQWE THIS IS A FUCKING AMAJIN MEME IMMA OK?

so, how mentally [in]stable am i?

01. Take your total,
02. Multiply by 4,
03. And tag 10 friends DO IT, EVERYONE!


The Mental Instability Meme.

[  ] You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.'
[  ] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[  ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[ x ] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.
[ x ] You have run into a tree/bush. i don't remember if this really happened, but knowing myself, i'm sure it happened sometime.
[ ] You have been called a blond.
TOTAL: 2

[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow. i actually know this to be impossible...
[ x ] You just tried to lick your elbow. i still went and did it :l
[ x ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody.
[ x ] You just sang them to make sure.
[ x ] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
[ x ] You have choked on your own spit.
TOTAL: 5

[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
[ ] You type with three fingers or less.
[ x ] You have accidentally caught something on fire. yeah, like, my hair :l
[  ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.
[ x ] You have caught yourself drooling.
TOTAL: 2

[ x ] You have fallen asleep in class.
[ x ] Sometimes you just can't stop thinking.
[ x ] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
[ ] You are often told to use your 'inside voice.'
TOTAL: 3

[ x ] You use your fingers to do simple math. ... sometimes /sheephish
[  ] You have eaten a bug accidentally.
[ x ] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[ x ] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[ x ] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time. e.g. picks, cards, pens, phones, money, keys etc.
TOTAL: 4

[ ] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't.
[ x ] You break a lot of things.
[ x ] You tilt your head when you're confused.
[ x ] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[ x ] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
[ x ] The word "um" is used frequently.
[ x ] You don't know what "um" means.
[ x ] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[ ] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.
TOTAL: 6

GRAND TOTAL: 22 x 4 = 88

does this mean i'm an average retarded person?
kriszeth: (Default)
or i could have worded it better.

so, i went to my newly friend's journal [livejournal.com profile] koneho and read this. in my quest to be a better ljfriend i made an ass out of myself trying to comment, mainly because i wasn't really taking into account how i was saying things. which resulted in [livejournal.com profile] pipsqueaks adding me as a friend (no, i'm not sure either how that happened, but yay, friend?)

first of all, lying. lying in certain circumstances is easy to do, which makes it appealing and, doing it all right and without fanfare, sometimes a life saver. i mean, who hasn't lied? the point though is the when and where and why. which doesn't really have anything to do with what i'm trying to say, but it came out, so...

now, i think what i was really trying to say in my comment over kon's lj is: i don't think you need to lie to spare people's feelings. as i put in my comment saying the truth doesn't mean being tactless about it, that'll make you a bitch, not a honest person. that's what i think about the whole ordeal. choosing between lies and the truth is in the end only that, a choice. the real fact people should focus on is the outcome. sometimes truth is needed to improve ourselves, even if we don't want to hear it, but if i'm not going to like the truth either way, it doesn't mean i wouldn't appreciate people being tactful about telling it to me.

i think it all comes back on the way you say things. we like being told lies (in the beginning) because they make us feel better about ourselves. people like lies. that's a known fact. you learn in time that believing those lies is not always the best thing, though. listening to truth is not welcome at all, because they make you face yourself and your mistakes, and yeah, at first it'll make you feel like shit, but... well, it depends much on your reaction to know if it'll break you or make you.

life is about ambiguity. everyday, you choose between saying truth and lies, to yourself and to others. taking either way towards an absolute, there in lies the problem about being truthful or a liar.

on the matter where i said  that i wouldn't pick neither of them, but at the same time, i know i've chosen to be both and befriend both and there are people you hurt purposefully and that hurt you back purposefully, but in the end you count in them and you know you dont have to spare her feelings to speak your mind

ok, so first of all, have you read this fic? (i know, stupid to exemplify real life with fic, but, uh, it'll take less time to explain? maybe? kind of?)

i may have a friendship where i act kinda like ryo in that fic? you see with all the oh, look, interesting, another crack which doesn't necessarily proves that i'm a good person towards her, but at the same time, it makes her the closest person to me because of that and probably the only one i'll keep in contact with for a long, long, long, loooooooooong time (only don't tell her that because that'll be embarrassing. and weird. but mostly embarrassing.)

so, um, with her, there are times between our banter when i know i'm going to hurt/annoy/be insensitive with something i may say but i still say it because that's how i really feel at the moment, which may explain why sometimes she goes all mushy on me after and tells me she knows i don't care about her but she still cares about me as a friend. to which i don't know how to answer. but that's not here not there.

that is not to say she doesn't prod and give as good (or bad) as she takes from me, since she's not one to keep her commentaries to herself and sometimes she is a bitch (and knows it the same way i know when what i say will hurt her).

even so, is only when you've prodded the line between being an insensitive bitch and really totally crush another person, you learn when to say things and when to maintain your mouth shut. as i said on kon's lj you should also know when to hurt and when to heal. that's what real friendships are i think, to know when to hurt and when to heal.

so, does it make sense now? even a little?





kriszeth: (Default)

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

• You must tell 6 people about this game.
kame is the one that you love.
jin is one you like but can't work out.
• You care most about crystal.
jen is the one who knows you very well.
seiya is your lucky star.
kizuna is the song that matches with kame.
utai tsuzukeru toki is the song for jin.
tears of snow is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
• and float is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz




i have no idea how this all freakingly fitting, but fuck, i got all tingly and just, idk, maybe if i wish enough for her to come to me she'll hear my call? i'm crazy, ok, but if only she was here, if only i could be with her again the world might make sense, idk, please, just, god, bring her back, giver her back to me i miss her, please

ps. tomorrow i'll be totally embarrased, but for now,i want to wish, i want to have hope, i just want nee-san back, is that too muc to ask for?

kriszeth: (Default)
so, um, [livejournal.com profile] je_holiday is on bussiness. and i kinda want to participate, but, i wonder if i can write something for it. like, i can write dramafic, akame, nishikato, maybe ryoda, news and kattun gen, maybe guest appearances by arashi if pressed, but is that enough? i mean, i want to get a fic written for me, but i don't know if i can deliver something good.

so, to those who have already participated, how is it? when the mods mail the assigments, how do you decide what to write? do you get prompts?

kriszeth: (Default)
--- or maybe just plain lost.

oh, what have i been doing? apart from being my lazy self, i've finally managed to do a friends cut, because i couldn't keep up with my flist, even if i only stalked journals. and there were lots of fandoms i wasn't so into anymore, mostly anime. i still watch anime from time to time, though, but i'm more into drama these days.

so, obligatory speech: if you want me to add you back, please reply to
this post and let's see if we can become friends... or you can defriend me as well, no hard feelings, ne... at least, i hope so. so far, only Cookie has replied (thanks Cookie! =Dy), soon, i'll answer back to you, just let me get my bearings.

i'm kinda learning html. mostly, i just tweak pre-made codes. so far, i've managed to do this with my
profile. as you may have noticed, it's not finished yet. soon, i'll make time to finish it. and give credits. i promise.

yesterday, i went to the international book fair in Leon. sad to say, there weren't many international books. there weren't even books in other languages. i bought one terry pratchett book... that was part of the discworld series and the translation sucks something major. so went to get the english versions online. maybe it's bad, since i don't promote the author and don't pay for them , but it's really difficult to find books where i live and most of the time the translations are shit and books in english around here? keep dreaming.

i'm still miffed about not finding any books on buffy.   DDDDD:

----

in other news Music meme! because i was curious. and i've been wanting to do this since three weeks ago when this appeared on my flist.

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool!


Opening Credits - kotoba wo nakushita boku to sora wo miageru kimi by wyse
it really is difficult to find something about this band, so i decided to upload the song if anyone's interested. i don't know what the song or lyrics and not even the title say, but i recommend this band with all my heart.

Waking Up -
Kame - #2 Seishun Amigo Utawara Perf
i think it'd make me happy to wake up with the voice of kame, so  *_*.

First Day At School - Get it on by Kinki Kids
first of all, just what kind of school do you think i went to, uh? after that lol

Falling In Love -  tsugou no ii moral by wyse

Fight Song - Gomen Ne Juliet by YamaPi
i'm not really sure what to think of this one. am i giving up without fighting?it somehow makes me sad to know how the end to a love comes and you just can't stop it.

Breaking Up - orange by Kinki Kids
couldn't find a vid, nor a translation D:, will it suffice to say that songs like this are what've made fall in love with kinki kids?

Prom - Human by Human League
... i've never really paid attention to thelyrics odf this song, since i quite the singers voices and the rymth of the melody. years later i actually notice this song tlks about cheating and please forgive because i'm human of flesh and blood? wait, what does that say of the kind of prom i could have had? if, you know, they were a custom in my country.

Life - Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes
... life is to being an easy laid and a wonderful one at that? really, just what kind of life awaits me? o.O?

Mental Breakdown - MESSAGE FOR YOU by KAT-TUN
... still not making much sense, now not only my life resembles an easy girl with bette davis eyes, but i'm also heartbroken and it is my own fault  D:

Driving -
Unbelievable by EMF
i'm kind of tempted to send this song to esther. because except from the become one part, is all about her.
in other news, i imagine driving a convertible on the highway with the volume to the max, hair billowing and sunglasses....

Flashback - Taiyou no Namida by NEWS
regrets anyone?

Getting Back Together - Hold On by Wilsom Philips
well, this is hopeful. ar least.

Wedding - MOLA by YamaPi
just what kind of wdeeing would that be? o.O?

Birth of Child - STEP you by Hamasaki Ayumi
this vid is neat. really cool. though i cannot find any relation with the birth of a child. wich is cool, since i don't plan of having kids.

Final Battle - Living In A Box by Living in a box
freedom! or something like it. maybe i'll win! =D

Death Scene - Speed by wyse

Funeral Song - am0:00 no keiteki no naka de by wyse

Remembrance Song - Jounetsu by Kinki Kids
Whenever you feel like cry
I’ll come and hold you right away

yep, this songs brings memories, all right

End Credits - Yakusoku by Kinki Kids
 farewell is always so sad, ne T_T


We built up love
Shared a promise
In a place ours alone
that no one else could step into
However you grew pretty
In a place without me
Again today I close my eyes
Pretend I don't notice
. . . because it hurts


kriszeth: (Default)
so this time, instead of writing once waking up, i'm writing before falling asleep.

i don't know which is worse, but i'm sure that what'll come next will be no better
kriszeth: (Default)
so after my spectacular fail at getting a job once again, mom decided to put me to paint brother's room and today everything hurts. so i'm charging brother with a couple of bermudas and a couple of cargo pant and maybe some t-shirts, muahahaha!

anyway, i  woke up at 9 again ::sigh::

in my defense, i was dead tired for painting and cleaning and moving furniture... i also managed to fall asleep at 1. about dreaming, i don't remember anymore, but it somehow felt important. i wonder what did i dreamt...

so in a couple of weeks i'll go to the D.F., i hope cindy will be up for some window shopping, because going only to process the cédula is no fun. though i'm not looking too much forward for a six hour trip on bus. also, i need to look for my junior high certificate. would still be in the other house? i didn't find it in this one. i need to take a trip over there! preferably when is daylight since i thinks there 's no electricity over there. i miss my old house!

ok, enough whining, see ya!

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kriszeth

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