or i could have worded it better.
so, i went to my newly friend's journal koneho
and read this
. in my quest to be a better ljfriend i made an ass out of myself
trying to comment, mainly because i wasn't really taking into account how i was saying things. which resulted in pipsqueaks
adding me as a friend (no, i'm not sure either how that happened, but yay, friend?)
first of all, lying. lying in certain circumstances is easy to do, which makes it appealing and, doing it all right and without fanfare, sometimes a life saver. i mean, who hasn't lied? the point though is the when and where and why. which doesn't really have anything to do with what i'm trying to say, but it came out, so...
now, i think what i was really trying to say in my comment over kon's lj is: i don't think you need to lie to spare people's feelings. as i put in my comment saying the truth doesn't mean being tactless about it, that'll make you a bitch, not a honest person.
that's what i think about the whole ordeal. choosing between lies and the truth is in the end only that, a choice. the real fact people should focus on is the outcome. sometimes truth is needed to improve ourselves, even if we don't want to hear it, but if i'm not going to like the truth either way, it doesn't mean i wouldn't appreciate people being tactful about telling it to me.
i think it all comes back on the way you say things. we like being told lies (in the beginning) because they make us feel better about ourselves. people like lies. that's a known fact. you learn in time that believing those lies is not always the best thing, though. listening to truth is not welcome at all, because they make you face yourself and your mistakes, and yeah, at first it'll make you feel like shit, but... well, it depends much on your reaction to know if it'll break you or make you.
life is about ambiguity
. everyday, you choose between saying truth and lies, to yourself and to others. taking either way towards an absolute, there in lies the problem about being truthful or a liar.
on the matter where i said that i wouldn't pick neither of them, but at the same time, i know i've chosen to be both and befriend both
and there are people you hurt purposefully and that hurt you back purposefully, but in the end you count in them and you know you dont have to spare her feelings to speak your mind
ok, so first of all, have you read this fic
? (i know, stupid to exemplify real life with fic, but, uh, it'll take less time to explain? maybe? kind of?)
i may have a friendship where i act kinda like ryo in that fic? you see with all the oh, look, interesting, another crack
which doesn't necessarily proves that i'm a good person towards her, but at the same time, it makes her the closest person to me because of that and probably the only one i'll keep in contact with for a long, long, long, loooooooooong time (only don't tell her that because that'll be embarrassing. and weird. but mostly embarrassing.)
so, um, with her, there are times between our banter when i know i'm going to hurt/annoy/be insensitive with something i may say but i still say it because that's how i really feel at the moment, which may explain why sometimes she goes all mushy on me after and tells me she knows i don't care about her but she still cares about me as a friend. to which i don't know how to answer. but that's not here not there.
that is not to say she doesn't prod and give as good (or bad) as she takes from me, since she's not one to keep her commentaries to herself and sometimes she is a bitch (and knows it the same way i know when what i say will hurt her).
even so, is only when you've prodded the line between being an insensitive bitch and really totally crush another person, you learn when to say things and when to maintain your mouth shut. as i said on kon's lj you should also know when to hurt and when to heal
. that's what real friendships are i think, to know when to hurt and when to heal.
so, does it make sense now? even a little?