kriszeth: (Default)
Your rainbow is shaded black.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

What is says about you: You are a powerful person. You appreciate mystery. You may meet people who are afraid of you.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.
kriszeth: (outside the window)
When you think everything is lost, if something of what you misplaced and was yours comes back, it feels like what you got back is worth a thousand times more of  what you lost.

Monotony. This is your life, a bunch of activities organized into a schedule that repeats day after fay. Nothing new, nothing exciting, nada de ná. Not since that person had left, taking with him everything he had ever owned.
The ringing of the bell announces insistently the presence of someone on the other side of the door and he gets up mechanically to go and open it. If that horrendous sound kept on ringing it would cause him a migraine. Usually, his guests understood they weren't welcomed once he closed the door in their faces.

Once he removed the locks the door opened with a bang and he closed his eyes tightly waiting for the impact. The next thing he knew is that he was on his back in the floor, a familiar weight on his chest and abdomen, an incessant buzz on his ears that after a moment became words (incoherent words, but words all the same).

Only when he heard the ever present monotone silence, he dared to open his eyes.

"Ara? Are you crying? Did I hurt you?"

A deep rumble began in his chest, traveled from his throat, past his lips until it became an hybrid between a laugh and a sob as he clung tightly to the neck of the person sitting on his thighs.




idk why when i write kame he always ends up kinda crying and sakdjqiojew. kame gets outta control in my fics and argh. either way. will post another one tomorrow. hopefully it'll be better
kriszeth: (outside the window)

So, kriszeth, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 0% unique, 20% peculiar, 60% interesting, 18% normal and 3% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy manga). When it comes to friends you are popular. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is intellectual.

Your overall weirdness is: 28

(The average level of weirdness is: 28.
You are weirder than 63% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

so it seems i'm not unique at all, wth? what does uniqueness entail either way. also, i'm quite abnormal but we all knew that already. also, lol, intellectual. really now.
what does herdlike mean though?

well, the purpose of this post is not only that but to humbly ask if wny of you know where to download an unattended updated versions of windows xp that supports spanish, english and japanese? hope you can help me

oldies

May. 10th, 2010 09:53 am
kriszeth: (feel the sea breeze)
sometimes i think my writing was better before, so here, some samples translated from spanish since i wanna trash all the old papers in my room now that summer hotness is smoldering me. and not in a good je way.


1. The poem
Pain
Sometimes the pain is carved too deep.
No one knows what to do or how to do it,
but in spite of everything, they just wait.
They hope not having to face that pain,
even though that pain is theirs
they rather ignore it.
Forget that they ever felt it,
they give it their back and abandon it
even when their tears beg them to look back.
they just leave, step by step they go away.
And in time they forget they felt it once.
Forget that it was theirs and it hurt them.
Forget to keep on living.
And when they think that it doesn't matter anymore,
when the think they can't feel it anymore,
when the tears have already dried,
they look back only to see the blood their wounds have spilled.
But the blood is still fresh,
the wound keeps on bleeding
and the tears begin anew,
the pain is felt once again
and sometimes even stronger.
because when they tried to bury that pain
they just carved the wounds deeper.

3. The song (or i don't even remember the tune anymore)
Play for me
I remember that first melody
how it became a caress to my damaged soul.
It meant love, someone said, and I lost control.
I didn't want you to love me but I revealed in it.

I remember the second one. my sadness and your pain,
the way your tears became mine
and how I just run away.
You threw the illusion that kept me going,
but even so...

I'll sing for you to play for me
I promise I'll do anything you ask of me.
So please, play for me to sing for you.
'Cause even if I don't believe in happily ever after
we'll still have this moment
                    Promise you'll play for me
There's something to say about hope.
It's the most cruelest of feelings I've ever known.
But still, it'll shred me to pieces iif i ever lose it.
                   So play for me.

I'm aware we haven't known each other for long
but I can't let you forget me already.
So long I have thought this time will last forever.
That is already enough

That's why I'll sing for you

'Cause even if I don't accept it I'm yours
more than I'm willing to admit, so...

Please, play for me to sing for you
I beg you, don't ever love anyone else
because I'm selfish like that

And tomorrow I will sing.
And tomorrow you will play.
To fill again a sleepless night.
To overcome another end

kriszeth: (i'll cling to you)
ok, that's a lie. i got amazing twitters messages saying happy birthday and even a banner, and just because this must be preserved, here:


i feel llike i just won something amazing when i see that pic, and it makes me go all =DDDDDDDD

i also got fluffy akame fic wrote by She. yeah you read right, She wrote me fluff here. an then she wrote an entry in her journal to wish me a happy birthday with the amazing title: Reincarnated cyborgs from the future and hot steamy wolf boys.  i must be honest and say that i opened that entry just because the amazing title. in fact, She just made me happy with a tittle and i would have been silly grin happy just with that tittle as a present i'm not lying. though i don't begrudge more fluffy akame fic. just saying. ;P

i am all smug and preening like a smug preen-y person. i'm also incoherent. i blame my cold, the meds and my rollercoster emotional draining worry for my computer. yes, my computer. i don't know how i did it, but i think i fixed it.... but now i have to configure it all. again. thanks to y brother impatience to go see his gf.

WOULD HAVE BEEN SO HARD TO HAVE WAITED FOR TEN MINUTES MORE AND NOT  UNPLUG THE DAMN CONTRAPTION OUTTA MY JUST FIXED REALLY OLD COMPUTER? WOULD IT? god, just thinking about it makes me mad again. i'm more mellow now, but i blame my sickness for that too. and let's not forget my pained muscles thanks to kickboxing.

so, the point of this entry was to say:

1. yamapi, i did not forget your birthday, my computer was with the tech guy getting fixed. love, k

2. my birthday was a mess, but i still received all the pretty comments/wishes and felt sparkly, even if it was just a second before my pc crashed down and i got really mad and almost cried, but i really really really appreciated all your efforts in making me feel loved, because i really felt loved and guys, akamerars and those just kattun fans on my flist, thank you so much.

3. it was also domoto tsuyoshi's birthday. i miss your music, please to release a new album

4. i somehow managed to fix my pc. me = happy

5.  having to reconfigure pc's a drag

6. i need to go and help mother with house chores or she'll kill me. mood : disgruntled




kriszeth: (outside the window)
today i got called into the office because students have commented i don't teach them well, though they didn't say anything about no studying. how do they even expect to learn english with only two hours per week? that's stupid.

either way, no, the reason for this post is not about my bitching. idc all that much if i get fired atm, students are an unreasonable buch of idiots who want to pass without studying (no offense to those on my flist who are hardworking students).

the real reason though is my absolute need for akame podfic. now that i think about it, i'm almost sure i saw a link to podfic in one fic one upon a time, but for the life of me i can't find it and i'm all emo about it because I.REALLY.WANT.IT.

though, if i'm being delusional and just spluttering nonsense, i humbly ask from my lovely, awesome, akame filled flist to please, please, please, please be a kind soul and if you find it in your heart to spare some time, could you possibly maybe probably record for me (and all the akame community) some fic? pretty please with a cherry on top? ::insert puppy jin eyes::

.....

there was something else i wanted to say but idr what it was, so..... how was your day? busy? tell me something about you guys, i don't really know much about all of you, but i'm trying. and failing. b-but what counts is the intention?
kriszeth: (Default)
so, last week i finally watched spirit. you know, the dreamworks movie told from a horse's point of view. i could only think about how much spirit reminded me of jin.and how rain was kame and how the indian, little creek, was so yamapi and of course the colonel would be johnny, only hotter and younger and taller and maybe it couldn't be johnny after all. but all stories need a villain.

i also was all, oijdjuewkj, i'm a deranged akame fangirl, why jennipher, why? T_______________T but couldn't stop casting je boys as horses/indians/cadets. i.am.so.screwed. specially since i could only think about how much i wanted that je!spirit fic with jin starring as a horse, and guys, it would be perfect. perfect i tell you.

fml.

in other news, yay, week off! \o/ and just because i can YAY, ASHI'S FIC IS AWESOME! \o/

not really much to say, really. just wanted to update because i want to make myself write again. i haven't begun writing on my notebook. i want to wait until april to begin as to have a sense of time, since i don't really like to put dates on my entries. i'm weird like that, must explain why my room is always a disaster, but i'm all bleh right now. ::looks around at the mess and cringes at thinking she has to clean. someday. preferably soon, but not now::

how's everyone doing, btw? i'm waiting impatiently for blue-orbs to update In his care. so want it now. i'm gonna take my pc to fix. well, the other one. and i want a net book, but must save money for it. i have only half of it.kjsdioqw, why so expensive?

and as i am random, have you read this? i'm kinda miffed about it. not because of kame being likely a homosexual, but because of kusano and that josh guy's dickness. i want to smack them real hard, dunno why.

thinking about that, i've discovered i'm freakishly attracted to gay men, which does not spells a good outlook in my relationship, but i can't help it guys! ::whines:: i mean, let's take a looks at my most favorite singers in the entire world.

of gay singers that made me want in his pants. except for the first one.. also, skip if you don't undesrtand or care for spanish songs. )


really, sometimes i wish i was born a man if only to make a pass at some of this guys.

also, there are missing the gay english singers i am in love with. we will skip the japanese, since the title of this journal says enough about it.

and to finish this entry a gift of kame:


kjdioqwjeioqw, i am really screwed.

wishes

Mar. 20th, 2010 08:31 pm
kriszeth: (feel the sea breeze)
i want to try this again

it's been a long time since i've kept a journal. and i'm not talking about flimsy, uneven and fangirl post on computer. to be quite honest to my self, i wrote more and better when i kept a journal. i still have the unfinished notebook somewhere in the mess i call my room.

i stopped doing it at the time because i got frustrated about how all i wrote about was oh, please let me die already. or how much i've missed zaphiro, nee-san, seiya, dymi, sirent, leo, lenny,  jen, jenny, jennipher and I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I'M GONNA HURT SO DEEP YOU'LL NEVER FILL IN THE VOID I'LL CARVE INTO YOUR SOUL, I HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU, JUST YOU WAIT I'LL GET MY REVENGE. I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER SO MUCH YOU'LL WISH TO BE DEAD BUT I'LL LET YOU LIVE. LIVE AND CRY IN HOPELESSNESS LIKE HOW YOU'VE LEFT ME.

even in this space i tend to mention them, but imagine every entry talking about the hopelessness and uncertainty about the future. the bleakness of tomorrow when i just discovered death had robbed of my most precious loves. i hated myself. hated the person that imprinted into paper feelings so dark and despairing in lively colors. i wanted to forget, but i could only remember.

even now, i'm not past those feelings. sometimes i want to sit and cry until i've run out of tears. but then, there are those little excerpts full of beautifully tinted heartbreak. and even when it hurts, i get a little proud. did i really just wrote that?

i want to get that back. the feeling of being able to express myself. i want that back.

also, appropriate song is appropriate




also, happy birthday, sato takeru.
kriszeth: (Default)
Title: Everybody loves an accident
Pairing : nishikato
Notes: I tweaked the lyrics to fit the story, so I hope is not considered copyright infringement or something. THIS IS NOT A SONGFIC. Just saying.
Summary: Ryo, the wannabe rockstar, works in a dive. Where he meets this jaded, sarcastic and love-is-a-waste-of-time college student, Shige. Angst ensues and so, Ryo writes him a song. Then ...


Rewind )
kriszeth: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]
 nee-san, kame, master, fic, akame


.... kame, jin, music, kattun, dorama, dreams, wish i could write like that, wolfboy, wolves, stress, i need to clean my room, kame, jin, tiredtired, kame, kame in drag, kame smiling, kame talking, kame shy, kame, kame, kame, why do je boys are prettier than me?, love on kame, i need a new compu, i don't have money, kame exists, jin, jin is a baka, why are there so little akame fics lately?, kame and jin in some tv show, new single/album yay! \o/, have to wake up early, stop procrastinating, music, kame, i love this song, nightmares are cool.... sometimes, jin is such a dork, jfiojwejañfeiofahopfejisdvkjsdjsdopewf so pretty! *___________*, i miss akame, everybody do the d-motion~, ooooooh, shiny!, akame is hot, kame is hotter, i really really really want to go to japan, i need a better job, i miss master, zaphiro no baka!, and master said: shop their heads off!.... ok, it didn't go like that, news, arashi, yamapi walks funny, twitter is fun, jin jin jin jin, i need to lear all the names of my flist, like really XP, why jennipher, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? T__________T, kame i love thee! life is hard... dakara happy?, why so difficult, yo? i need more koki-zen teachings, love on the flist, kame so cute, why can i keysmash like the cool kids? akame is as awesum fandom, delusion is a mastery,hands get weak and knees give out,  gackt's voice makes me go kyaa!, i love hyde's voice, i need more l'arc en ciel in my life, i need to fix my hd, i miss all my music, downloading~, la lala lalalala~, kamerars unite!, kame is pretty, i cried and set aside for a bitch that lied, bff ftw, seiya where are thou?, lj why so boring tonight?.....

ok, those were more than five recurring thoughts, kame would have so many tags and the index would be full of smileys and sparkles, but i blame je for that. mnid sharing the tags in your mind?
kriszeth: (the wind whispers to me your name)
ok, so my flist is getting increasingly longer, not that i mind. but it causes me great confusion since i also have a twitter account and getting acquainted with tumblr.com, so i humbly ask of my flist to please share their information with me like:

<b>name</b>
<b>lj username</b>
<b>twitter</b>
<b>tumblr username</b>
<b>dreamwidth account</b>
any other names you wanna share

this'll help me to try and know who is who, because when someone says the real name or a nickname when talking i tend to get hopelessly confused and don't know who is who

comments are screened
kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
so, i don't really want to update about myself a the moment, but i need somewhere to put some links before i delete opera from my pc. is just really slowing down my  pc, so say good bye.

also, don't you all love when is kame or jin's birthdays? because, fuck, so many pretty and shinny and akame things. here some examples:

the awesome kame love post that kills your bandwidth 

so many shinnies, really ~*_____________________*~

we also have banner proclaiming our kame love

we also got icons, lots and lots of awesome kame icons. jashduasdqwk, why do i only have space for 15? why, jennipher, whyyyyyyyy? T____________T    and let's not forget the gifts.

in the akame corner, we also got lovely akame copy-cat fashion

so. um, none of this post were made by me, but by awesome kame fans to which i owe my constant kame feed. i'm only putting up link here for prosperity. good night





p.s. ashi, i owe an explanation or comment or answer. my next post will hopefully answer your inquiries. thank you for worrying about me, you are a lovely lovely person. also, even if you see me offline on ym, try to contact me, i might be ninja!online, trying to not be found by some people i can't find in myself to block from rl
kriszeth: (outside the window)
 you'd think after two years of doing this i'll have something prepared for it. a fic, a graphic, a poem, a quot, a song, something. but alas, life tends to suck the, well, life outta me.

i actually don't know how you manage so much in so little time. it leaves me in awe how amazing you are, you're hard working character, your smile, how you've become so comfortable in your own skin. there's really lots of things to learn from you.

happy birthday, Kamenashi Kazuya. i say this every year, but i really hope you have a long and enjoyable life, which i'm sure you will, because you're you, and that's reason enough for me to love you, thank you for existing
kriszeth: (feel the sea breeze)
 so i got back my computer, after like two months. i'm so utterly happy =D

this year has been busy crazy, i wake up at 8, get to the internship at 9, get out at 3, com home, eat, go out again, be it to INAEBA or the high school, get home at 7 if i'm lucky and if not at ten, rinse, sleep, repeat. i don't wanna prepare classes for tomorrow T_________T

the internship is kinda cool, but waking up early is a bitch.

INAEBA work is a hassle, because the office is a fucking mess at the moment. my manager has changed four times in the last month and today i got shocked because they told me i would get assigned to new communities so all my non-paid work for the last two months can go fuck itself. yes, i'm mad about this and monday i'm gonna bitch about it to the coordinator. 

the highschool work is kinda ok, kinda not. so, i kinda know english, i'm good at grammar, my pronunciation still sucks, but i'm getting better (internet how you save me so ♥) but i understand what i'm talking about. even so, the academic teacher, who's in charge of the subject is worse than me and he's supposed to have a degree to back him up, but i can't say anything since he's been teaching there for like seven years, but having to apply to the students the exams he makes is a pain the ass, since you know, his grammar sucks. even plain old me didn't get half the exams. i wonder if i should be worried for my work since i have like a hundred students and only the third passed, and i'm not talking about flying colors either ::sighs:: though all of them told me from the beginning they didn't like english, so maybe it's just that they're blocking themselves from learning.- and let's face it, students are really conniving and procrastinators (been there done that), but it's ridiculous how they keep telling me i should teach them like the old teacher. can you all be more childish? hat's plain stupid, they almost literally told me "i don't learn because you don't teach me like my old teacher. also, you don't have leader skills, so that's why i don't pay you any attention nor do i take you seriously"

leaving that aside and talking about enjoyable things, OMFG KATTUN NEW SINGLE (yes i know i'm hopelessly late to the party, but i don't care) LKASJDOIAJWQOEDKASMNCLASI. I LOVE EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF THE D-MOTION, OVERUSED AUTOTUNE AND ALL, I LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH. also, aishiteru kara, aishiteru kara, kame kame kame kame kame have i told you how much I FUCKING LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND JUST EVERYTHING, YOU MADE ME CREEPY FOR AN IDOL, THAT WAS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE IN MY BOOKS BEFORE I KNEW YOU EXISTED, PLEASE DON'T EVER CHANGER. NEVER EVER. and i'm totally behind on yamanade, but i love love love love it to pieces, (though i don't get the opening, but who cares, kame adorably clueless and dense and CROSS DRESSING, if that's NOT HOT i don't know what is, i loved him in his seifuku. i might have realized i even have a thing for kame in girl seifuku, just ♥♥♥♥♥♥.

Kanjani's Christmas single it's also pure love. i love Ryo, but that's for another post.

as i've been outta lj for the last month and i might have bypassed lotsa things on my super fast peruse of the flist, i'll ask to kind souls to please send me links of awesome downloadable things. specially yamanade. and jin's concert rips would be awesome too, i know they're out there somewhere, but i can't get to them DDD=

to A.RA.SHE XP happy belated birthday, and if this weekend i have time to breathe i'll scrunch up something for you. if not, at least let's chat. i miss you lots and lots. for real face.

to kon-awesome-is-my-surname, let's see how long it takes me then to send you the gift i picked up. i still need to send it for engraving ToT and polishing.

to cookie, just wondering if you send that card or if it was you i asked for a christmas card, cos it hasn't arrived and it seems like an awful lot of time since christmas. if you weren't able to send it, it's alright, just wanted to know if i should stop hoping.

god, i missed akame, what's going on with them?

also also also also, last but not least let me fangirl like the creepy stalker that i am BECAUSE [livejournal.com profile] flamesword ADDED ME, ME, ME, WITHOUT ANY PROMPTING FROM MY SIDE, JUST WANTED TO SAY HOPE I DON'T BORE YOU TO TEARS AND WE CAN BE AWESOME KAMERARS TOGETHER, BECAUSE ALL KAME FANS SHOULD STAY UNITED. LIKE AKAME!♥

peace and out. have fun going out while i prepare classes for tomorrow 


 
kriszeth: (christmas on my own)
wow. just wow. january is ending and i haven't done much fandom wise or worthy and klsjdoiasdjas i spent too much time away from my pc T_______________T

so i got my hands in two part-time jobs and an internship full time in regular hours wich kills all my free time and my pc broke down so i had to format my HD .again. and even though this time i had saved all my files i can't access them, idk if it's thanks to incompatibility or i need to buy a new cable DDDDDD:

so, how is yamanade coming along? comments, critics, spazzy babbling is always welcome. and i'd really like to hear something about it from you [livejournal.com profile] koneho , because you kept saying you didn't like the actress the producers chose. also, i need your address.

um, dunno what else to talk about, and i need to go and sleep since i stil have to wake up early to finish planning classes and putting together worksheets and etc, etc, etc.




 
kriszeth: (Default)
though i should.

so, was watching this vid. 2005, akame. good vintage XP


and then, you see, after how hin and kame hold pinkies, hoe they're the first to separate, and how kame does pointedly not look back at jin, though jin kept watching him walk away. makes one go aww.

and because jin talking about kame makes me always go doki-doki, here:

 
kriszeth: (Default)
so, to make up for the lack of post, another meme. comment on this entry and i'll--->

1. Tell you why I friended you.

2. Associate you with something - fandom, song, color, photo, word, ETC.

3. Tell you something I like about you.

4. Tell you a memory I have of you.

5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.

6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.

7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.
kriszeth: (Default)
so, anyway, this is gonna be rushed.

ask a question and i'll answer in drabble form. think you already know my fic prowess (read = lack of), but i kinda want to write something, however little. let's see how this pawns out.

wish me luck
kriszeth: (christmas on my own)

lost. in the middle of the woods no less. two children sit at the shade of an old tree whose trunk is chipping, dirtying their supposedly immaculate white uniform.

"this is all your fault," the little boy grunts, a frown in his pale face belying the pout on his pink lips. "brat"

"sorry," whimpers the little girl beside him, contrite and hiding her face into the scrapped knees she hugs to her chest tightly, feeling tiny and teary, but she will not cry, oh, no.

she just wanted to get a better look at that pretty flower and the butterfly, is not her fault the others kept walking away and if he's so mad about it, then why did he have to wait for her, she didn't ask him to DDDD:

"mom would get in trouble," a drawling voice, not in his head, but beside her, answered.

"uh?" she raised her teary-eyed face towards him.

"how do you think your parents will react when they know you got lost? they'll blame mother and stuff. that's why we shouldn't move too much, so they can find us easier. so your stunt trying to look for the cabins by climbing up the tree was silly, the foliage is too tall and hide them from view. be happy you got nothing broken, brat."

when he talks like that, it makes her feel small and stupid, isn't he supposed to be six years old too? how does he know big words like foliwhatever? and of course he'd worry about the problems she could cause his mother. his mother hates her, after all. maybe if she was alone she would have been left to die in the woods. so maybe it was a good thing he is with her, this way his mother has to look for them if she wants to see her son again.

"sorry," she repeats with a sniff and then hisses when a lock of her hair gets stuck in her still stinging knees.

a sigh. "does it hurt much?" he asks tentatively, eyes hidden beneath an a little too long fringe, fingers drawing in the dirt.

"a little," she sniffles with a pained voice, eyes misty and cheeks rosy, biting her lips.

another sigh and then he gets up. "wait here," he orders and walks away.

she scrambles to her feet but ends up falling on her butt again, a small wail leaving her lips, but that doesn't stop him and she can only watch him fade between trees and bushes. big, fat tears tracing anew the dry track left visible on her face. she doesn't know how long he's gone, face hidden once again on stinging, scrapped knees, sobs making her small body tremble and the tears just adding salt to her wounds. maybe he really left her here to die?

something cold and wet pats carefully her raw knees and she forgets to hiss when she spies his companion in lost-hood through the curtain of chunks of tangled, wet hair. "i went to the little brook we passed before. we need to clean this so they don't get infected, we don't know how long they'll take to find us."

"your shirt," is the only thing she can say. no thanks or hisses or whines.

he shrugs as if it isn't anything, as if he, the only kid she knows that is always careful with his clothes, hasn't just teared off the sleeves from his dress shirt to take care of the skinned knees of someone who he supposedly finds annoying. "there," he says, once he finishes cleaning the cuts.

she blinks at her knees, all pink and raw and clean and then a wet pinkish-brown cloth lands on her face. "wipe your face too. you look ugly, brat."

her nose scrunches up indignant and her answer is to show him her tongue, but still looks for a white patch in the cloth to rub her face and get rid of the tear tracks. "thanks," she mumbles after a while and he shrugs it off once again.

"so..." she says after a while, the sound of birds twittering and leaves rustling making her crave for something more in the still ambiance between them. "have you decided on your name yet?"

"i have a name already," he cuts disinterested, it makes an annoyed frown to appear on her face.

"i know you have a name already. i meant the name you get to choose when you turn seven, have you decided on it yet?"

"mmm..." he hums and she watches him unblinkingly. "not yet"

"eh?!" she exclaims. "but you have to give one tonight or they'll choose for you."

"mmmm..." he hums again, not really caring about it. It’s just a name, after all.

a fixed stare that comes closer and closer until she makes him cross his eyes funnily, head thrown all the way back so it goes thunk softly when it connects with the bark of the tree trying to keep a minimum space between their faces. "zaphiro" she decides, nodding to herself, a silly smile.

"what?" he asks flabbergasted, a doubtful, if not cute (and she swears to never ever say that aloud), pout that screams are you crazy? that's a stupid name, i'd never use it. "why?"

"well, you know, like your eyes" she mutters, making herself small again, trying to prepare for the rejection his expression spells, but when he opens his mouth to deliver the verdict, he's interrupted by the sudden lap-full of sobbing baby girl that throws herself at the girl with the scraped knees.

she blinks dazed, finding herself with her back in the ground and a dull ache in the back of her head, a buzz in her ears that she soon realizes are supposed to be words. "esmeralda?" she asks and suddenly a torrent of tears come flooding.

"well," a voice calls attention to the almost teenager that appears accompanied by another girl of seemingly ten years old, that busies herself trying to pry the sobbing little girls from each other to take a look at the just found girl's wounds, while a couple of adults report finding the lost children by radio. "glad to know you listen to precautionary measure when getting lost in the woods, squirt." he mocks the little boy, relieved smile turning into a smirk. "though it'd save us time and worry if you just listened when the adults say not to separate from the group and go explore on your own."

"shut up." the just found boy retorts to his older brother, sighing long-suffering and crossing his arms in a put-out manner, spying his baby sister of three years olds cuddling with the brat and not liking how the brat hogs all the attention from baby esmeralda. "not my fault."

"blaming girls is a no-no," the teenager points out, index finger poking his little bro's nose. it makes the boy scrunch it up cutely, and swap at his hand, which is why the teenager always does it, head thrown back in a laugh. "you're cute!"

"am not!" he shrieks, cheeks pink in embarrassment when the adults stare. "let's go back, i'm hungry" he mutters sullenly, following the grown ups when they begin walking.

~*~


"brother chose his name!" little esmeralda shrieks, bouncing cutely in the balls of her feet. toothy smile proud and eyes shinning. "he told me."

"really?" the bored girl mums in answer. after the initial  joviality of being found, she got scolded by esmeralda's mother. as punishment, she was to stay seated and alone at the talent demonstration, banned from participating in the event, first row so everyone could keep an eye on her. esmeralda is the first one that has spoken to her, but she just waits for some grown up to come and whisk her away, so it's no fun. she is surprised, though, when little esmeralda attempts to crawl up the chair beside hers.

"what are you doing? your mother will be mad at you if she sees you talking to me"

"is 'k" esmeralda grunts and huffs, finally able to kneel in the chair. "that way, we can stay grounded together!" she smiles accomplished, green eyes twinkling. it makes her heart go doki-doki from happiness. esmeralda looks left, then right and then cups her little porcelain hands on the ear of the older girl to whisper: "zaphiro"

and something flutters in her stomach, a smile blossoms on her face, mirroring esmeralda's. "pretty, no?" and she nods.

"brother's next" esmeralda sits properly, like her mother has teach her, and claps enthusiastically.

piano notes let themselves be heard. she doesn't know anything about music, but the melody is pretty, albeit the playing is a little clumsy, small fingers still not totally trained. she closes her eyes, humming under her breath the piece she knows at heart by know and remember afternoons spent outside the music room with esmeralda listening to endless hours of practice. soon, the melody ends and applause  resound in the open clearing where parents have come to watch their kids. she suddenly misses her parents very much.

"for you" esmeralda smiles at her friend, who blinks owlishly back. "he said: tell the brat is for her" and a pout form on her pouty lips, because she doesn't like it when her brother calls her best friend a brat. and the brat finds herself running behind the scenes without caring if she gets scolded again, esmeralda shouting for her. just her luck she gets tangled with the red curtain though.

she huffs annoyed, but stills when hearing the voice of esmeralda's oldest brother.

"so, everything ready squirt?" it asks, and for the mocking tone and the answering annoyed huff, she knows he is there too. she squirms a little more and finds the opening of the curtain so she can spy the two of them. zaphiro is glaring up at his brother, hair in disarray, most probably thanks to the teenager, who only smirks pleased, hands on hips.

"mother is waiting in the car for you." and he suddenly sobers up, expression turning grave. "are you sure you really want to go away? i don't think esmeralda'll like it"

zaphiro only nods in answer and the teenager throws his hands in the air, suddenly exasperated. "ok. well, then. let's go"

she watches their backs disappear in the shadows behind the scenes and tears spill from her eyes, not understanding why or how and she lets herself  fall on her hunches to cry, sobs unheard thanks to the pitiful attempts at talent kids display to please their parents. that is how little esmeralda finds her minutes after, tears spilling in answer to her broken-heart's ones.

"why are you crying? was brother mean to you? i'll bite him for you! but don't cry"

"he's leaving" she sobs and esmeralda's tears fall harder while her voice grows in volume and pitch not understanding.

"no, he isn't!" esmeralda cries, tugging at her to stand up so they can go and ask where her bother is. "he isn't, you're wrong, he won't leave, he promised!"

"ey, what's all this about?" the teenager reappears and esmeralda launches her small bullet body to his knees, almost knocking him down.

"she's lying!" esmeralda accuses, glaring up at him tearfully. "she says zaphiro is leaving, but she's lying! she's lying, lying! she's a liar!"

"oh, sweetheart" he kneels down as to rock her to calm his baby sister and looks at the other sobbing girl, reaching out for her too. "come here" he soothes and the six year old goes willingly.

"why is he leaving" she asks broken-hearted. "where is he going?" the hug gets a little tighter as the teenager tries to soothe them both, their cries attracting people. "why did he hate me?"









at six, i was a cry baby. i can say that now. but i still blame you for it.

there's not much i can say about our memories. i think, though, this was the first time you left me to fend by myself. you'd think i could have learned from it what to expect. there were times i understood your reasons to be away, and there were times i couldn't even fathom an explanation for them.

i've been trying to prepare for this post since december began. i can't say i'm doing a great job for it.

i could say i've moved on, but i would be lying. i still find myself writing to you as if you were to answer. i go out and keep waiting to meet you in the streets, keep looking at my reflection on glass surfaces to try and find you stalking me, waiting for the less expected moment to pass your arms over my shoulders and whisper in my ear "found ya".

ne, master, it's ok isn't it? to not forget you yet.

happy birthday, zaphiro. i love you.

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