kriszeth: (Default)
[personal profile] kriszeth
this has been long in coming, though. all this week has felt utterly sucky, beginning with the awful weather and continuing with no paying job in the horizon, a couple of family fights per day (and when i say fight i mean shouting match that lasts three to for hours average) and so on. summary: my life is truly fucked up right now. not even NMP pv could lift my spirits, that's how bad it is.

i mean i've resorted to embroidering to pass the time. finished a couple of books that had been sitting in my hard drive for a while now. been doodling a lot and the drawings are so abstractedly sad and ominously desperate.

my choice of reading didn't help much in the beginning. i mean, i chose my sister's keeper by jodi picoult. let me tell you the characters are really interesting and the constant changing in pov made them even more lively. still, fuck it but that's my life right there. the problems i live with everyday inside my family, then tension, death hanging all over the house and the stubbornness and all that horrible mix of negative feelings drowning us all. i hated the book but i couldn't detach myself from it. it was quite masochistic.

and so, yeah. my father has chronic renal failure ever since six years ago or something like that and it has been fucking hell in my house since we found out about it. my brother left college to help maintain the family business afloat so me and my younger brother could finish a career and then after i finish i lost the chance to get a couple jobs because i was always at the hospital in another city and so two years have passed and i'm still unemployed, living with my parents and failing driving classes spectacularly.

and now i don't even remember my rant anymore since mom called to say something she never did and it's quite likely she'll do it again in some minutes, so i'm cutting this here.

Date: 2010-06-13 06:35 pm (UTC)
ext_167: (Default)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/solo____/
I'm really sorry to hear all this. I don't really know what to say that wouldn't sound idiotic. I hope things get better. Keep fighting!

Date: 2010-06-13 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] marlenem.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry :( I can kinda relate to your problems but still can't say anything that could make you feel better. So I'll just hug you ♥ *hugs*

Date: 2010-06-13 08:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tia-junan.livejournal.com

The sun rises in the East. There is a time in our journey when we need to rest and evaluate but this doesn't seem to be your time. I knew someone whose house burned down. Insurance paid for belongings and replacement things but the family pet, carried out to safety, jumped free and ran back in. He was later found, dead of course, in his hiding place behind the water heater. The reason I'm telling this is that sometimes, the familiar place is not the best place for us. The fire was a harsh ending to one way of life and a forced new beginning. But sometimes, there is no going back.

In other words, whatever you have been doing - you need to do something differently in order to get a different result. I'm reading a book that says write down your list of things you need for a perfect life. Then look at it and realize that if you are not actually taking steps toward these goals, they will not just happen. You will be exactly where you are if you don't move toward those goals. Make a plan, start with small steps, but take steps. Crying over spilled milk won't put it back into the cup.

If you have your degree then you have already started. Where and how you have been looking for work hasn't produced results. So look elsewhere. Contact someone who is where you'd like to be professionally and ask for guidance. Don't dwell on where you're living right now. This isn't permanent. Young people grow up and move out. It's happened since the beginning of time and you won't be the only exception. Older people get ill and pass away from us. That is the normal cycle of life. If there is tension inside your house then get out. Go for long walks, exercise, go to a church group, go to the library and research different areas you'd like to work or live in. Use your friends for moral support. Make new friends. Get up and take care of yourself.

Date: 2010-06-14 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fionnakreuz.livejournal.com
hope to talk to you soon. someone cares about you half-across the globe. ♥

Date: 2010-06-14 05:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asinful.livejournal.com
Oh, baby girl. :( Life can be such a mean bitch. I wish there was anything I could say to make it even a little bit better. :( Just know that I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

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